Something I Can Keep
by writer writing
Summary: Based on the Johnny Cash and June Carter characters from "Alleghany". Alleghany Petit is a reluctant mail-order bride. Her husband, Jackson Parker, is a reclusive mountain man with a terrible temper. Alleghany finds marriage with Jackson to be a prison and things take an explosive turn when she runs away with more than she came with and he pursues in unbridled rage. Depression era.
1. Chapter 1

She hated Jackson Parker before she ever even met him.

But when you came from a large family, 5 younger brothers to be exact, and it was a struggle everyday to feed that family, daughters of a marriageable age had to do just that. Get married.

She was more fortunate than most. She wasn't kicked out with nowhere to go and no prospects. Her father had gone the extra mile and found her a man to marry. Jackson was the son of her father's old war buddy.

"I don't understand why I have to go all the way to Tennessee," she grumbled as she put on her pristine, white traveling gloves. "If you'd given me a little more time, I could've found a man right here."

"You and I both know that the boys around here won't have you for the long haul, at least not the ones who are good for anything."

Her face flushed, not so much in shame for the acts themselves but for shame that her father knew of them. But her parents must have had an inkling of her destiny for they'd named her after the wild and beautiful Alleghany River.

"But to marry a man I've never even met in a state I've never even been to..." she broke off in frustration and searched for the right way to explain it, "that'll make me nothing more than a mail-order bride."

"Alleghany, you are my only daughter and I love you, but sometimes I think I was too permissible with you when you were growing up and I'm afraid I've done irreparable damage," he said, deep regret lacing his voice.

"Don't say that. You're the greatest dad a girl could ever ask for," she said, kissing his weathered cheek.

He smiled in spite of himself. "Just promise me you'll give this marriage a chance. Be your charming self and he'll love you as much as I do. And I know he's going to be a good provider for you. His father, Bo, was as fine a man as I ever knew. Saved my life, you know."

"I know," she said quickly, hoping to stop him from retelling the all too familiar story that she'd heard at least a 1000 times growing up, "but I'm not marrying Bo."

"Sons don't fall far from the tree." But he wore a worried expression.

"I'm sure he'll be just grand," she said more to relieve his mind than anything as she didn't believe a word of it. This arrangement wasn't any easier for him than it was for her, she knew, but it was quite literally this or watch his family starve.

She said a tearful goodbye to her mother and brothers and then she jumped in the car with her dad. Before she knew it, they were heading south away from everything she knew. To the man she was supposed to be eternally tied to.

sss

Jackson held the crinkled letter from Mr. Petit in his hands though he'd read it often enough to know its contents by heart.

Her father raved about his talented daughter, a joy and a delight to have around. An affectionate person as ever walked the earth. It was filled with nothing but praise for her, but then that was to be expected from a father. He wondered what this woman would really be like.

Nothing about her appearance. Would she be beautiful or plain? Probably plain or she would've found a man in Virginia. She was likely overweight and covered in warts and growths. And if she wasn't, well, that was even worse because then there was likely something off with her personality.

But he needed and wanted a wife and this was the easiest way to get one. The nights were lonely without family and very few friends.

His father had always talked about the delightful "Frenchie" he had served with. A jolly man who could always make him laugh. If his daughter was like anything like that, he supposed he could overlook any quirks be they on the inside or the outside because heaven knew he could use a laugh or two now and again.

And they arrived tomorrow. He was getting married in less than 24 hours. He supposed he had better go talk to the preacher.


	2. Chapter 2

The roads curved and twisted, taking Alleghany further and further away from civilization.

She couldn't have been terribly far away from the place of her birth, Bristol, and they'd been in Knoxville just this morning, but she might as well have been on the other side of the country for all the traveling she'd be able to do. Gas was too dear in this economic depression.

Her spirits sank lower the thicker the trees became. She was a city girl through and through and she was going to be living out in the boonies.

When her father brought their old Model T to a stop in front of a cabin that a pioneer could have been proud of, her spirits had plummeted about as low as they could go. Her suspicions that she would be unhappy with this life were confirmed.

"To think that this lovely cabin will be all mine just as soon as I say I do. Could a woman get any luckier?" she asked sarcastically.

"I know it's not what you hoped for," her father said gently. "But you're made of stern stuff. You could be happy here if you try. You will try, won't you?"

"You know I will. I wouldn't be here if that wasn't the plan."

He patted her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "When things get prosperous again, it'll be different, I'm sure. For all of us."

She opened the car door and got out. "Things can only go up from here."

He followed suit and a torrent of barking started up. That bode more ill news. She hated dogs and it sounded like he had more than one.

"That's my girl," he said encouragingly.

She barely heard him as her eyes were on the tall man that had just emerged from the cabin. Her groom-to-be.

Her father took her by the elbow and led her towards the man as if the wedding ceremony had already began and he was giving her away.

"This is my daughter, Alleghany," her father said, who was offering a smile to her intended even if she remained stone-faced. She had agreed to this arrangement for her family's sake, but she saw no reason to pretend she liked it.

"What an unusual name," Jackson commented.

Some greeting. "Well, I'm half Cherokee, so it makes sense," Alleghany said. "Better than being named after a dead general."

Jackson looked as if he didn't know what to say to that, but then he chuckled.

She looked at him closely, wondering what kind of man agreed to marry a woman he'd never met? Either a man so disagreeable no other woman would have him or a complete recluse and neither option appealed.

He was looking her up and down and found her appearance satisfactory, at least she assumed he did from the grunt he made, a grunt that put her in mind of a caveman.

Some women would have adored his rugged good looks, but she wasn't impressed by them. He was proving himself to be everything she had feared, unrefined and backwards. It only took a glance at his plain, unstylish clothes to see that.

"The preacher's out back and the marriage license is ready," Jackson said, speaking more to her father than her.

"Good heavens." She had just counted 5 dogs sitting on the porch, all barring their teeth at her. They were made up of various breeds even within the same dog, but all good hunting dogs from the looks of them. What did one man need with 5 dogs? "Are they all yours?"

"Yep."

"Do they have names?" Not that she intended on making friends with them, but she wanted to know in case there was ever a need to call them off of her.

"Nope. You ready?"

"Ready for what?" she asked though she already knew. They weren't even going to take time to get acquainted first, but she knew her father had to get back on the road and it was already late in the day.

"To get married," he said, looking at her as if she were dimwitted.

"As ready as I'll ever be, I reckon. Aren't you going to change into your good clothes?"

"You mean a tie? What for?" He looked aghast at the thought.

"To mark the occasion. I brought my mother's lace wedding dress and a hairpiece for my hair. I'll look silly if that's all you're going to wear."

"I'm sure we'll fine something suitable in his closet," her father jumped in before a disagreement arose.

They all went into the cabin that was as unremarkable on the inside as it was on the outside. After a suit was located, she was given the bedroom to change into her wedding attire. She felt as if she were really dressing for a funeral.

The men were ready to go when she came out. Her father had a surprise for her though, a beautiful wedding bouquet of red roses.

"Oh, Daddy!" she said throwing her arms around him in gratitude and pecking his cheek. "When did you have time to buy these?"

"This morning while you were freshening up. A luxury I know, but no bride should be without a bouquet."

She noticed Jackson had one of the roses pinned to his jacket. Her father was doing his best to make it special, but how could wedding a stranger be special?

The preacher was outback waiting sure enough. No cakes. No decorations. But then what had she expected? The man hadn't even planned on wearing a suit.

The ceremony started and her mind was abuzz. She was only pulled from her gloomy thoughts when she heard Jackson say I do.

"Do you take this man to be your wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor and cherish, till death do you part, according to God's holy ordinance?"

Did she? Till death was such a long time. No, she didn't, but her mouth said the fateful "I do" anyway for she really had no alternative. For now.

He gave her a simple, golden band that was barely above a ring she could have fished out of a cracker jack box in terms of cost. No thought had gone into it like everything else. She wasn't pleased by it, but he didn't seem to notice or care.

Their first kiss was uninspired, a cold pucker that made her shudder and not the good kind of shudder.

The time came to sign the certificate, the final step before she became Mrs. Jackson Parker. It was the last time she would ever sign Alleghany Petit. She signed as quickly as possible as one might rip a bandage off.

It was done. Her father hugged her once more, giving both his congratulations and his goodbye in one hug. "You write me and your mother everyday."

She held on tight. "You can count on it."

"Your mother so wanted to be here for this. At least, I can tell her all about it. How I saw the most lovely bride there ever was."

"Oh, Daddy. I love you." She squeezed harder, reluctant to let go. She struggled not to cry though she'd required the use of her handkerchief a couple of times during the wedding.

"I love you too."

Jackson didn't even stand with her as she watched her father ride away. Some supportive husband she had. How she dreaded the coming wedding night and the quickly sinking sun made it an imminent event.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun had gone down. The preacher had gone home. Alleghany was in his bedroom-their bedroom-he mentally corrected himself, but he stood just outside the door, working up his courage to go in.

She was just a slip of a woman, but she scared him something fierce. She was more beautiful than he had expected and more agreeable. A plainer, duller woman would have been less intimidating.

Still, she was his wife now. He took a deep breath of air that went out in a whoosh when he opened the door and saw her laying down in a silken, lacy nightgown with a deep v-neck that hinted what lay in store for him. The gown was a delightful peach color that flattered her skin tone and her ruby lipstick-covered lips. She was more than beautiful; she was gorgeous.

He was torn between running out the door again and running towards her. He knew though which desire would end up winning. He considered himself lucky that she was his to keep.

sss

Jackson was staring at her with lust. It wasn't love as they didn't even know each other. She didn't return the lustful feeling, not even a little bit.

It wasn't that he was so unattractive. It was more the thought that she had no choice in the matter. And she went for men who were a bit more cultured, who could afford to show her a good time even though times were tough.

This man could afford to keep her fed and sheltered and little else. There'd be no presents of jewelry or nights on the town. He didn't look as if he'd enjoy a night on the town anyway.

Yet, it was her wifely duty to sleep with him and she accepted that. It was her hand that had signed the marriage certificate after all.

She was suddenly reminded of a novel she'd read where the mother had advised her daughter to lay back and think of England during the act. Her England was the bustling city of Bristol. It was worth a try anyway. Thinking about anything other than the man she'd married had to be better.

She cocked her head in puzzlement when he remained where he was, which seemed to spur him into action. He cut out the oil lamp, plunging the room into total darkness.

Her lips curved slightly up in humor. Was he afraid to look at what lay under her nightgown? Or was it possible she wasn't what he'd been expecting and he was dreading this just as much as she was.

The bed creaked as he took his place beside her and his large, calloused hands fumbled as they pulled the gown over her head without any foreplay at all.

He had managed to undress himself at some point after the light had been extinguished for bare skin rubbed against bare skin.

He struggled to find her mouth in the dark and when he did, he bumped his nose against hers as he turned his head to kiss her. His lips were completely closed during the 5 second pucker. No creativity and no passion. She might as well be receiving a kiss from her grandfather. It didn't give much promise for the rest of the night.

She tried to imagine that she was back at home in her bedroom with a more satisfying man, but he made it difficult. He was even more clumsy and awkward as he positioned himself on top of her. He'd obviously never lain with a woman before, a fact she found somewhat amusing and definitely sad.

She could have made it easier on him by being more open and guiding him to the right places, but she didn't. She let him flounder and grope as he tried to figure things out. Fortunately, he didn't try kissing her again.

He spoke not a word to her the whole time it was happening and she remained silent as well. Which made it all the more uncomfortable. He didn't give up though until he had it and experienced success on his end.

When he had finished, she rolled out from under him and turned away to face the wall. She had never felt so used. She longed for a bath. She longed to be anywhere but here.


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning, Allegany found herself being rudely shaken awake. Her blurred vision at last cleared to reveal the man she'd known less than 24 hours. Any nightmare she'd dreamed during the night couldn't match up to the nightmare of her present reality.

"Ain't you going to get up and fix breakfast? The sun's been up pert near 2 hours," Jackson complained.

He spoke as if she had committed some grave sin by sleeping in. So much for a honeymoon. "I don't know how to fix anything. That was always my mother's job."

And her mother had tried to teach her, but she hadn't been interested and her father had supported her in it, saying she always had time to learn.

"Well, it's high time you learned. I'm going to be out all day checking traps. I'll get my own lunch together, but I expect food on the table when I get back."

She was his slave, his housekeeper. That's what he'd really wanted, not a wife or a companion. It all made sense now.

She waited until she heard the front door slam before she got out of bed. She dressed and put on her makeup though it hardly seemed worth the effort with only Jackson to see her.

Cecil Johnson had proposed to her after high school and she'd laughed in his face. She hadn't loved him. Things had only been physical between them for her part of it anyway, but how she regretted that decision now though she hadn't thought of about the proposal again until this very minute.

There was no phone in the house, he'd said that in one of his letters. Not even a mailbox that she had seen. She was cut off from all forms of communication. Of course, calling her parents would have been out of the question anyway, but there wasn't even so much as a neighbor within walking distance. She was going to go crazy living without anyone to talk to. She already felt suffocated just thinking about it.

Best thing to do was get her mind off of it, she reasoned. She unpacked her things, which only served to make her more miserable.

She went outside, hoping fresh air would revitalize her spirits, but it just reminded her that civilization was a long way from here, so she explored every nook and cranny of the house, which didn't take long.

Lunch was a slice of bread and jarred apple preserves simply because it required no cooking. She was thankful to see everything canned and jarred for the coming winter because she had no idea how to do that either.

She was dismayed to find the day only half gone. She read old copies of _The New Yorker_ she'd brought with her until it was time to scrounge up supper for her "prince charming", a nickname she used sarcastically.

She found eggs, bacon, and coffee in the kitchen, which seemed a simple enough supper to fix. With grueling work, it founded its way to the table where it sat 30 minutes waiting for Jackson's return.

"Breakfast food for supper?" was the greeting out of his mouth.

"It seemed the easiest thing to cook and you did say you wanted breakfast, didn't you?"

He took a closer look at the contents of his plate. The eggs were dry from being overcooked, the bacon black from being overfried, and the coffee full of grounds from being improperly brewed. And it was all cold.

"Apparently not."

"Apparently not what?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

"Apparently it's not the easiest thing to cook. I can't believe a grown woman's never cooked before. I've never heard tell of such a thing." He sat down at the table rather reluctantly.

She burned with anger as she sat down across from him. He appreciated her efforts not at all. "And I can't believe a man your age has never had sex before. I've had better times with a pillow."

If he'd suspected she wasn't a virgin already, he knew it now without a doubt. He glowered without comment, but it was easy to see her comment had irked him.

His complaints about her cooking didn't keep him from stuffing his face though.

"Well, eat," he said when he saw her staring at him. "It's as bad as it looks, but money don't grow on trees. Especially now."

She speared her eggs with her fork imagining it was Jackson's hand instead. The resentment she felt at this impromptu marriage had grown tenfold in just one day. It confirmed what she'd known all along. She had to find a way to escape.


	5. Chapter 5

It had only been 2 weeks of living with Jackson, but it felt like 2 years to Alleghany. He ordered her about by day and by night he took his husbandly due with very little improvement.

He gave her a list of things to do around the house everyday and today dusting was on it.

She was currently in the process of dusting all the glass jars off. He'd pitched a fit when he'd found she'd gotten into his precious food reserves.

"Are you stupid?" he'd asked, red in the face and spittle spraying from his mouth. "What are we supposed to eat all winter if you have it all eat up before the first snow flies?"

"Well, excuse me for being hungry."

He'd wiped his mouth and stomped off like an ogre.

She wondered what would happen if one of the jars got broken "accidentally" while she was dusting. She tucked some loose hair into her head scarf and grinned as she pictured him having a conniption of grand proportions.

She put down the rag and untied the apron, needing to take a break and wondering wryly if she was still allowed those.

On the way to the outhouse, which was another thing she hated about living here, having to tromp outside to the smelly building, she ran into Jackson's dogs who all started barking at her. He normally took the beasts with him. She supposed her warden had decided she needed guarding while he was away.

She had no choice but to turn around and run for the house.

Unfortunately, they beat her to the door, so she had to climb up on the porch rails to be out of reach of their snarling, snapping teeth. She was in a fine predicament.

"Oh, get away, you mongrels. I don't like ya'll either!" she shouted at them.

They only barked louder.

They were at an impasse. Her legs began to grow tired and the rough wooden pole she clung to was digging into her arms. It was then an idea came to her. She took one of her high-heeled shoes off and threw it as far as she could into the woods.

It worked. All 5 of them went bounding into the woods after it, thinking it prey or hoping for a game of fetch. She hobbled into the house and slammed the door shut. She could forget going to the outhouse until Jackson got back.

She took off her other heel. These shoes hadn't been cheep. Maybe she could make another pair out of one of Jackson's dogs or better yet take them out of Jackson's hide.

Her eyes lighted onto the mantle. In the evenings, she'd noticed him staring fondly at the little shepherdess that rested there as if it took him back to times past. He never said so, but she could tell. It was chipped and ugly, but he seemed to have an uncommon attachment to it.

Resenting the dogs, resenting him, and resenting all the chores, she went over and threw it against the wall where it made a satisfying smashing sound as it broke into little pieces. Sweeping wasn't on the list, but it was one extra chore she wouldn't mind.

"Why'd you leave your mangy mutts here?" she demanded when he came through the door that evening.

"Because there's a bear nearby. I thought you'd appreciate the protection."

"You thought wrong. Those worthless animals would probably be on the bear's side. I haven't been able to go to the outhouse all day!"

He rolled his eyes like he thought she was being overly dramatic, but he went back out to tie the dogs up, so she could use the outhouse.

He had a question for her this time when she came back in. "Did you take the shepherdess on the mantle?"

"I broke it while I was dusting. It was old and creepy-looking anyway."

"That was my mother's!"

"Sorry about that," she said with a careless shrug that showed she wasn't all that sorry despite her words.

He reached over and broke the red coral necklace hanging around her neck in retaliation without much effort. The beads pinged and rolled as they scattered across the floor. A gift from a former lover, but nothing she was sentimental over. He probably would have broken it a long time ago if he'd known that little fact.

He breathed heavily and his face was as red as her coral beads. He looked as if he wanted to hit her. She'd seen bits of anger in him before now, but this was apparently the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

His show of temper was satisfying to her in a way for it gave her a valid reason to leave him should her father want to know why the marriage had failed. And he would ask why.

Yet, if she wanted to be honest, she was a little frightened too. There was a seething, living rage that simmered just below the surface in Jackson and with a little push or slip who knew what he would be capable of.


	6. Chapter 6

The leaves were falling, seeking escape from the trees. What she wouldn't give to fly free like one of those lucky leaves and blow which ever way the wind took her. Oh, to be a leaf. To be anything but a hermit mountaineer's wife.

"Will you take me into town tomorrow?" she asked, face still pressed against the glass instead of looking at him. From what she'd seen driving through with her father, it was a small, podunk town with barely enough stores to line one street, but beggars couldn't be choosers. "I got some letters I want to drop off to Momma and Daddy."

He was sitting on the couch, resting after a long day of work. "Can't. I have things that need doing right here. It can wait another week."

A week seemed an eternity in this hellhole. She turned from the window to look at him. "It can't. And I need some fresh soap too." The plea had no effect on him. "I'll just go by myself and get it."

"No, you won't either," he said. "Not without my say-so."

She didn't appreciate his bullying at all. "You going to stop me?" she challenged.

"You bet I will. You'll do as I say, woman. We'll go in town together when the time is right." He shut his eyes and leaned back. The conversation over in his mind.

A prisoner, she thought for the 100th time, there was no other way of saying it. She was his prisoner. She turned away in an angry silence and went back to looking at the autumn landscape.

Thoughts dark, she realized death played a part in the escape the leaves made, a heavy price to pay for freedom. Her escape would be less messy. At this point, she was only biding her time. Formulating a plan was still a work in progress, but come up with one, she would.

She hadn't gotten to go with him when he'd gone to town the week before. He'd remarked that he hadn't known she would want to go, which had about had her pulling her hair from her head as she had declared _, "Of course, I'd want to go! You think I like staring at the same four walls everyday?"_

 _"Well, I'll take you next time," he said with a simple shrug, not realizing how disappointing and aggravating a situation it was for her._

 _"You amaze me. Have you ever been any further than the foot of this mountain?"_

 _He scratched his head, not seeming to know where she was going with it. "I've been around to other parts of Tennessee, of course. Selling to make ends meet. Why?"_

 _"Oh, never mind," she said with a longsuffering sigh._

She started from her thoughts when the littlest of the hunting dogs jumped up high enough to be window level, snapping and growling, looking as if he wanted a piece of her.

She moved over to the unstylish, old chair in the living room. It was a comfortable piece of furniture though. She had to admit that much.

She pulled out the one letter she had received from home. He'd at least had the decency to bring back her mail when he'd gone into town. She'd read it once before, but she was homesick enough that she read it again.

She laughed as she reread of one of Liburn's shenanigans, gluing serious Albert, another brother, to his chair. She could picture Albert's reaction so perfectly she couldn't help dissolving into laughter and was only sorry she had missed it.

Jackson looked up hopeful she would share the joke, but she didn't and he didn't feel right asking her to. The intimacy they shared in the bedroom after the lights had gone out didn't make for personal, relational intimacy, an unexpected and disappointing truth.

Alleghany folded the letter back up. Liburn, fun-loving and a prankster, was the brother most like her, but she longed to see them all. She hoped they were all eating well. She knew they wouldn't tell her if they weren't, which worried her.

She could feel Jackson's eyes on her, watching her. She looked up and glared. She normally enjoyed being looked at and admired but from Jackson she just found it annoying.

He got the message and got up to go outside.

"I'm going to go mess with the dogs," he informed her like she actually cared where he went.

She heard jingle of the "warden's" keys as he absent-mindedly shook them when he walked past. He kept the keys to the house and truck in his pocket at all times except when he laid them on the nightstand beside him when he went to sleep and she'd found he wasn't a deep sleeper. If she twisted too much or moved to get out of bed, he was up immediately asking where she was going or why wasn't she sleeping.

But where there was a will, there was a way and a plan at last took shape when she went back to looking out the window and her eyes fell on the rusty hunk of metal she had noticed from the get-go. It was a junk car that looked as if it hadn't run for a while and hadn't run too good while it was running. He must have been keeping it around for spare parts.

She was sure she could get it running again. She'd helped her father fix up old cars. They'd practically revived them from the dead. It would take some time, but it was time she had with no town nearby and Jackson going off most everyday. And it was a skill he didn't know she had. A skill she could use.

The dogs had formed a circle around him, tails wagging, tongues greeting like he was the greatest thing on two legs while he stood there and patted their heads. She couldn't wait for him to go out into the woods again, so she could pop the hood and see what exactly she was up against.


	7. Chapter 7

She found Jackson's tools, some original to the car, in the shed behind the house in a rusty toolbox. It didn't look as if they received much use. Mechanically-minded it appeared he was not.

Eager but with a little trepidation too, she went up to the vehicle that was to be her salvation. She looked under the hood.

The battery was shot, the plugs were dirty, and it went without saying that it needed oil and no doubt gas.

One of the tires needed patching, she could see. She got inside the car and took out the floor mat and floorboards. The transmission bands would need adjusting too. She squealed as she came upon a nest of baby mice and jumped back out of the car.

She forced herself to take deep breath and found a long stick, a really long stick. She hoped their momma wasn't hiding in a tailpipe or something, waiting to surprise her. She knocked the mice out. They were old enough that they then went scurrying for cover.

It would take as much work as she expected, but she could do it. She wiped her hands on her pants, which was probably silly considering she was about to get her hands dirty.

The easy problem to tackle was the spark plugs, so she removed them with the spark plug wrench. She took a cleaning rag to them first and then she soaked them in some of Jackson's spirits that she poured out into a shallow bowl. With any luck, he'd never notice the liquor missing, but if he did, she could claim she'd drunk it.

That all took about an hour by the time she got the spark plugs dried and back in. She'd have to do a little bit at a time or Jackson would wonder why the work around the house wasn't getting done.

sss

"What is this?" Jackson demanded, holding up a pair of pants.

"It looks like britches to me," she said, full of sarcasm and knowing full well what he'd really meant. She'd plumb forgot to sew up the seat of his nice pants.

He threw the offending article at her. "What do you do all day? You haven't even started on them."

She'd caught the pants in her lap and threw them to the floor beside the chair. "I'll work on it when I get around to it. And for your information, I cook, I clean, I do laundry. You are wearing me out."

He was right in front of her and he took her by the wrist firmly and brought it down to the pants. "I need you to work on them tonight," he said through gritted teeth.

"You're hurting me."

He let go of her. "I have an important meeting with a man in the fur business tomorrow, looking for hand-crafted furs. He might mean the difference between us going a little hungry at dinnertime or being able to eat to our heart's content."

She rubbed her wrist, restoring blood flow. She could have cared less because she was going to be gone soon. "Ain't you some kind of mountain man? Don't you know how to survive on bark or something?"

"Sew them up," was his only reply.

She did it begrudgingly but satisfied in the knowledge that it would be the last thing she ever had to sew up for him.

sss

With time lost on Jackson's pants, not to mention the endless chores, she only had time enough for adjusting the transmission bands the next day.

The third day, she took care of the battery. With any luck, it just needed recharging. She hooked it up to the generator in Jackson's truck.

On the fourth day, she siphoned some of Jackson's oil and gas, using her mouth and the garden hose, just enough to do her until she was able to get to the gas station but not enough to be missed. Turning the key, he'd conveniently left in the ignition caused the car to roar to life like a mythical beast woken from its slumber.

Patching the tire, turned out to be a piece of cake thanks to the repair kit that was a part of the car. She had it patched and pumped before lunch on the fifth day.

She checked and double-checked that everything was perfect with the car inside, getting it as clean as a whistle on the inside for optimal performance. This plan had to be flawless. One mistake and she might never get this opportunity again.

She crawled out from under the car and a brown rabbit stared as if trying to decipher why she was messing around with the hunk of junk that had set unused for so long that it must have seemed a part of the landscape. Then it quietly hopped back into the woods.

The place had its charms. Or the animals did anyway. All except for the mangy bear she called husband and his vile dogs.

She turned the key in the ignition once more. The car was running like a dream, purring like a kitten. If she'd been a religious woman, she would've sent up a prayer of gratitude.

All that was left to do now was finding and creating the perfect moment for escaping, which she was planning already as she walked back towards the house.

She vigorously pumped the handle to the pump that set outside the house but only a few drops eased out. "Oh, come on!"

She pumped with renewed vigor and at last a stream of water came out, allowing her to wash the oil off her hands and face without a drop to spare.

Trying to get the oil stains out of her oldest dress wasn't worth the energy. She changed into a new dress right there in front of the house, knowing there was no one to see her. She folded the oil-stained garment and then walked out a ways into the woods, where she put it down in one of the bushes, hiding the evidence.

She practically skipped back to the house. She could feel the shackles around her feet loosening already. Could smell and taste the freedom in the crisp October air. She knew the first thing she would do with her newfound freedom too. She would dance, dance like a madwoman, like a fairy dancing across air.


	8. Chapter 8

The only smart thing to do was to steal away in the dead of night. Allegheny wasn't going to leave it up to Lady Luck. He was going to be practically in a coma when she got through with him.

She fixed as grand a supper as she could manage, which wasn't very grand, but she'd improved in the 3 months since she had been here. His liquor graced the table. A concoction brewed in a copper kettle somewhere up in the woods, no doubt, as Tennessee was mostly dry. She poured him a glass as soon as he walked into the cabin. Her glass only had water in it.

"What's the occasion?" he asked suspiciously as he took off his coat. Not that she blamed him for it. He had good reason to be wary.

"Our 3 month anniversary. Ain't that cause to celebrate? That's a quarter of a year."

"So it is." He seemed more than a little surprised that she knew and still distrustful as he sat down in front of the spread.

She only smiled at him. If there was one thing she knew how to do well, it was loosen a man up. She stood by his chair, waiting for him to take a bite of the chicken.

"You like it?" she asked, leaning over to play at adjusting his napkin, but really she was allowing him an unobstructed view of her cleavage. She'd made sure to wear a dress that enabled her to display her figure to its full advantage.

It was clear he wasn't thinking about chicken as he answered, "Oh, yeah."

She smiled coyly as she sat down beside him. She normally sat across from him, but he didn't remark on the closeness. He was aware though. She could tell the way he kept glancing at her as he pretended not to notice her leg occasionally brushing his. She let him eat freely, knowing a full stomach would help him sleep longer.

"You ready for dessert?" she asked, sliding a finger suggestively up his leg.

He looked down at said finger. She'd never made the initiative before and he found he liked it very much. He wished he had something clever to say in return, but his mind was a blank.

She hopped into his lap before he could regain his ability to think. "You've hardly touched your drink." She dipped her finger into his glass and then sucked the fiery liquid off between her puckered lips.

His voice was ragged with desire as he responded. "Maybe I was afraid you poisoned it."

He'd noticed her hostility toward him, but how could he not? She didn't exactly try to hide her resentment and hatred of him most days. She dipped her finger in the glass again and this time she brought it to his lips. She bent down and whispered huskily in his ear while he sucked. "If I wanted rid of you, there are better ways to go about it."

She popped one of the buttons on his shirt and slid her hand into the opening it created. He closed his eyes in pleasure.

Again she whispered in his ear, "Do you know what turns me on more than anything? When a man can hold his liquor. And I find it does wonders for loosening people up."

She slid the glass closer without stopping her exploration of his chest. He took the bait, guzzling the contents faster than a town drunk.

She brought her lips against his in searing contact. Her tongue flicked across his lower lip before going in for the invasion. The use of tongues was a new experience for him, but one he was enjoying if his moan had anything to say about it.

She pulled back, breathing hard. "You taste so good." She poured him a second glass and he took the hint, finishing that one off as well.

This time she threw in some playful nibbles with her kisses. His eyes rolled back and his body clenched.

She knew it took a lot for a man his size to get good and drunk, so she poured one more glass. She picked it up off the table and straddled his hips. He was definitely thinking about only one thing. She had the physical evidence underneath her now.

She brought the cup to his lips and he drank deeply until it too was drained. "How you feeling?" she cooed as she grinded against him.

"I feel really, really good," he said. His eyes had taken on a sleepy appearance and his speech was slurred. 3 had been the magic number.

"Then let's help you feel even better." She stood up, took his hands in hers, and led him to the bedroom.

She had sex with him for the sole purpose of making him more tired. Unpleasant for her part but necessary. His drunken state allowed her to try more with him than just the usual position and it allowed for the lamp to stay on, which did help make things a little more exciting.

His body wasn't lacking she thought, seeing it exposed for the first time, and he was proving to be teachable. With a more winsome personality, their coming together might have even been considered desirable.

She was rough and animalistic with her passion and kept at it until his beady, brown eyes closed and his chest rose and fell in the telltale sign of sleep.

She waited a solid 20 minutes to make sure he was in a deep sleep and then she scooted down to the foot of the bed with care, making the mattress move as little as possible even though a bulldozer probably wouldn't have woken him up in his state.

She got dressed and put her hand up under the mattress, feeling until her hand hit the wad of cash. He thought his hiding place was so clever. Everyone and their mother hid their money under the mattress.

She felt no guilt tucking the money in her shoe. She'd earned it putting up with him for so long. Besides, what did he have to spend it on? He lived on the land mostly. "Consider it payment for tonight," she said under her breath to his sleeping form.

She tiptoed into the kitchen. She knew the money would only last so long. She needed to eat in between lovers and the food would be her insurance until she could go live with her parents again without causing them hardship. She had to make multiple trips carrying the jars out to the car.

The dogs were sleeping, having shared some of their master's brew due to her mixing it in their water bowls earlier, clear mixing with clear. Even if they woke up and started barking, they were tied up. She'd convinced Jackson she couldn't go out at night without them bothering her, which was perfectly true. If he heard their barking, unlikely as it was, he would just assume she was making a trip to the outhouse.

She looked back only once as she drove off, wondering if she would miss anything about him and this brief time as a bona fide, married woman.

Not a thing. Not a single, solitary thing.


	9. Chapter 9

Jackson's head pounded like a drum and the light burned through his eyelids. He hurt in other places too, but he smiled even so. She had been insatiable, an outright vixen. That was how sex should be. Enjoyed by both, not merely tolerated.

He reached over to feel for her and for the first time, she was up before him. His eyes snapped open like window blinds. He had a bad feeling about the whole thing suddenly. She'd been just a little too friendly last night and a little too eager to see him drink.

He dropped to his knees, ignoring the cold floor, and felt under the mattress. He swore when he felt or rather didn't feel the money. He had no intention of letting her go even if she had taken nothing but herself, but the fact that she had stolen from him on top of leaving added insult to injury.

He saw his truck keys in their usual spot and stumbled to the window. Had she not gotten away yet? The truck was still there. He started to turn from the window but saw the junk car missing out of the corner of his eye. How in the world had she gotten that piece of crap running? It had only ran once for him and had set unused through 2 winters. He doubted she would ever tell him that great mystery.

Putting his pants and shirt on as he walked hurriedly through the house, it didn't take him long to notice she had taken off with his winter food supply too. "That little hussy," he muttered.

It wasn't the first time a woman had run out on him. His own mother had left him when he was 4 to be raised solely by his father. And while his father had been as good a dad as a boy could ask for, it didn't make up for not having a mother. He had been unable to do anything about his mother, he could do something about his wife.

He loaded his dogs into the back of the truck. She had been longing for a city, not a town but a real city. Monterey fit the bill and she had most likely drove through it when coming to meet him. She probably had an 8 or 9 hour head start if he was a guessing person, but her father had taken the Knoxville Highway coming down. He knew a shortcut that would get him to the city in less than 3 hours verses the 13 using the highway. He'd mentioned it on their wedding day to her father, so he could save some time and gas. She hadn't looked as if she'd been paying them any attention at the time, so she'd no doubt forgotten if she ever knew.

As he grabbed the steering wheel, such a wave of rage washed over him because of her deceit and thievery, his vision blurred. She didn't know him half as well as she probably thought she did and certainly not as well as he was beginning to know her. Few had ever been stupid enough to rob from him and for the two who did, well, they'd both lived to regret it and one walked with a limp still. No, she didn't know him at all, but she was about to get acquainted with him the hard way.

sss

Monterey had its fair share of hotels. He had no idea which one he would find her in, but that's why he'd brought the dogs.

He used the washrag she'd bathed with just yesterday and it didn't take long for the best hunting dogs in the county to sniff out her trail. They led him right up to the door. He should have known without their help. It was the ritziest place in town.

"You can't take those animals in there," said the doorman, a dark-skinned fellow in a glitzy red suit.

"Wasn't planning on it." He used a hand signal on the dogs. Showing what well-trained animals they were, they all sat down in nearly perfect time to wait for his return.

The doorman opened the door for him, albeit a little hesitantly.

He could tell he was getting a snooty reply before he ever opened his mouth or got to the desk. The desk clerk had that superior air about him.

"I'm looking for a woman, my wife, Alleghany Parker, but she probably didn't have the nerve to sign in under her own name. She's got striking blue eyes, brown hair, and she's about yea high," he said, using his hand to show him.

"I'm not allowed to give out information about our guests," he replied his chin thrust forward in a defiant way.

Jackson grabbed him by the lapels. "Listen, you weasel, she stole money from me. Unless your hotel wants to be known for harboring criminals, I suggest you tell me where she is."

"You want to try the second floor. Uh, in room 219, I believe." He handed him the key. He cleared his throat and straightened his jacket when Jackson let go of him. "She's got- well, she's got company."

He didn't need to elaborate. He knew exactly what he meant by that and that marked the stranger's doom. No one touched his wife but him, a lesson an unlucky man was going to learn.

sss

His hair was soft and curled at the nape of his neck. His cologne was a spicy scent intended to drive a woman wild, and his body was of a slim build, no muscle but no fat either. His speech was genteel and sophisticated as the rest of him. In other words, he was the exact opposite of Jackson Parker in every way and her ideal type.

It had been an almost instantaneous connection down at the bar. The champagne bubbles had made her giggle, a sound that almost sounded strange to her ears so long had it been since she laughed. She'd offered to share the bottle with him, the most expensive bottle available.

He'd been charmed by her carefree attitude in a time when most people only worried about their finances and the future. She was charmed by the wealth and sophistication he exuded to the point that it practically seemed to drip from his pores. An instant love connection or a lust connection at least.

She'd invited him up to the room that Jackson was ironically enough paying for and he'd accepted.

He'd been noble enough to tell her he had a fiancée. She'd immediately remarked that it was more than alright with her because she had a husband. And they'd laughed together like it was the funniest thing in the world, but it was a private joke shared only between them as neither one of their better halves would have seen the humor in it.

And that was how they had ended up in this moment of time with her on the verge of breaking her wedding vows though she'd never really meant them in the first place.

Why then wasn't she enjoying this dip back into the wild side more? Surely marriage hadn't zapped her enjoyment of the act. She took a deep breath and reminded herself it was going to take a little while to remember that sex could be fun and wasn't born of a husband's will.

She pressed her lips against his thin ones forcefully. He definitely must have liked that as it made him bold enough to unhook her brassiere. She still wasn't completely feeling it, but she was determined to do this for her sanity.

He gently pushed her down on the bed and carefully climbed on top of her, a real gentleman. The sheets were silken not rough like the sheets at the cabin. That alone helped her mood along considerably and William definitely knew what he was doing. It was hardly his first time.

Just as she was beginning to relax and enjoy herself, the door suddenly flung wide open. Jackson had found her and he didn't look real pleased.


	10. Chapter 10

Jackson stood there for a couple seconds, his chest heaving in anger. His eyes were mere slits that spelled rage. He looked at her first, his dark brown eyes boring into hers with heavy accusation and then they turned on the man, who just moments before had been melded to her body and only the barest of fabric separating them, with pure, cold hatred.

Poor William never had a chance. He pulled him up off the bed by the collar of his half-buttoned shirt and there was a crunching sound as Jackson's fist made contact with William's face.

Though the actual violence disgusted her, she had to admit she was a little turned on by this rough display of masculinity that was rooted in keeping her, his mate, to himself. It was just so primeval.

She was soon pulled out of her reverie as more blood spilled and William looked on the edge of unconsciousness.

"Stop, you're going to kill him!" she shouted, jumping out of the bed and running over. She was still in a dress but missing the undergarments that were supposed to be underneath it.

Miraculously, he did stop.

"You brute," she said, kneeling on the floor to see how much damage he had done to her would-be lover.

It gave him perfect reach of her hair and he took it in his fist and drug her out the door, tears stinging her eyes from the grip he had on her hair.

In the hallway, he felt her person until he found the wad of cash in her shoe, what she hadn't already spent of it anyway. He had taken his time feeling her body, which he had to have known couldn't have hidden the money. He was without a doubt reminding her neither the cash nor her body belonged to her. He stuffed the bills into his own pocket. The momentary desire she'd felt for him totally gone now. Then he dragged her along again.

"Something tells me you're dissatisfied," he said.

She fired off her own brand of sarcasm. "Well, could it be because I've been your mail-order bride?"

He had no response for that. He just continued roughly dragging her out of the hotel.

As soon as she saw the dogs, a sense of panic welled up in her. "I can scream."

"You could and I wonder how sympathetic they would be knowing you stole my car, my savings, and my food supply. And was in the middle of committing adultery."

"We're married. That's not robbery. That's taking what's owed me." She wasn't sure about that though. And she knew adultery was a crime in Virginia where she could be fined money that she didn't have. She had no idea about Tennessee, but she very well might find herself behind real bars instead of figurative ones if she screamed.

"What about your car?" she asked as they walked past it without stopping.

"I'm going to put you in the truck with the dogs for company while I go get the jars of food out of it. Other than that, it's just a piece of junk I meant to get rid of a long time ago. It can stay here in Monterey for all I care."

In other words, there would be no second escape. At least, not by car. She hadn't honestly thought he'd pursue her or she would've taken the truck keys. He couldn't love her.

"Why?" she asked. "Why did you come after me? Why are you taking me back?"

"I paid for your trip out here. I've clothed and sheltered you. We said vows. You're mine."

She snorted as she climbed into the truck. As she thought, financial reasons, not sentimental ones. "I've never been yours and I never will be. I don't even like you. You've got no style and I've gone wild being holed up with you, bored to death. We're like oil and water, you and I."

"Be that as it may. You're my wife and I'm your husband." He shut the door to the truck. His mutts encircled the truck like they were treeing a raccoon at his command. She was the raccoon and she knew they would tear into her if she tried to run.

He backed the car up to the back of the truck and had the jars loaded in no time at all.

With a clink of his tongue and a finger point, his furry minions jumped up in the truck bed and he got in the driver's side.

They weren't long on the road when he pulled off the highway and drove a little ways down an old dirt road.

Finding a deserted place where the trees sheltered them from view and no houses could be seen, he turned the ignition off and climbed on top of her without so much as a by-your-leave.

She gave a small gasp. "What are you doing?"

"You want to be with a man, don't you? It looked like you did just minutes ago."

He pinned her to the seat with the weight of his body. When she saw struggle was useless, she made herself stiff instead and glared up at him with unadulterated hatred.

But he didn't even look at her as he invaded her body, pounding out his fury.


	11. Chapter 11

Alleghany now had good reason to hate Jackson Parker.

He acted as if nothing had happened afterward. Just drove them back to his cabin and went out into the woods like it was business as usual. Telling her he'd be back for supper.

She looked outside. His beasts were standing guard now. He'd taken the biggest dog with him, but the others were there to ensure she didn't try another escape.

She daydreamed about poisoning his food while she shelled peas. If she were him, she wouldn't let her cook his food.

She wondered about William. Would he try to help her? And risk his fiancée finding out about her? Not likely. They been using each other for a night of pleasure. Nothing more and nothing less.

She had to get a letter to her parents. When they learned of Jackson's violent nature, surely they wouldn't leave their only daughter with him. They wouldn't approve of what she'd done to incite his anger. But her father would come for her. She knew he would. She just had to get a letter or even a phone call if Jackson would allow her enough time away from him, but she doubted it. No, it had to be a letter.

She eyed Jackson's store of moonshine. If she couldn't escape physically for the time being, she would at least escape in her mind. A full drink of the stuff made her cough and gag. Champagnes and wines were what she was used to. This tasted like rubbing alcohol. But it wasn't the taste she was after, it was the effects, and for that, it did just fine, numbing her to her present reality.

Yet, she still cringed when she saw him coming and fear gripped her despite the alcohol.

She was afraid of him, a fact she hadn't even realized until now because the anger and hatred had taken up so much room. He hadn't hurt her physically unless a tender scalp counted, but he hadn't asked her permission either. He had seen she was unwilling and forced himself on her anyway. What kind of man did that? She knew the answer to that. A dangerous one.

Dinner was silent though she felt like screaming, like tearing the cabin apart with her bare hands. The food tasted terrible. The vegetables weren't tender enough and the meat in the stew tasted like rawhide. But he didn't complain. Maybe he didn't figure he had a right to after she hadn't complained about what he'd done and he would be right.

She should have voiced her displeasure afterward. She should have told him, no, while he was doing it. She should have fought harder. But she had doubted any of it would make a difference when he already knew she didn't want to be his wife.

She hated the fact that she had to share a bed with him. She thought she would never get to sleep, worrying he was going to touch her, and then when she did, she wished she hadn't because she dreamed of it. Only this time he was strangling her and she woke up gasping for air.

sss

He had immediately felt guilty and ashamed when his anger was spent. He'd had every right to lay with her, he felt like, being she was his wife, but instead of proving his possession of her, instead of bringing them closer, it had served to put even more distance between them. What once had been a metaphorical ditch separating them had become a vast, insurmountable chasm.

It hadn't been sexually gratifying either like he'd thought it would be. He was disgusted with himself, not her anymore. He had been wronged. But he had wronged her too. And he had no idea how to make it right. Could such a thing be made right?

He wanted her: heart, body, and soul. And she despised him. And he really couldn't blame her for it.

He couldn't pinpoint when exactly when she had become more to him than just a beautiful mail-order bride. He admired her for her cunning. It wasn't a stupid woman who came up with a plan like she'd come up with. She could be charming when she wanted to be too, her seduction before she'd left had proved that. The fact that she had mechanical skills intrigued him. There was more to her than first met the eye and he wanted to know all of it. He wanted to know her because he realized he didn't know her any better than she knew him or her leaving wouldn't have been a surprise.

He didn't know if he deserved her or any woman. He'd been angry a long time, since he was a child really. He could blame his mother for it, but that was an excuse. He was the one that allowed his rage to run free. He'd thought having a wife would change that, change him. But anger had reared its ugly head and caused damage to someone he was coming to love.

"Allegheny?" He hoped her nightmare wasn't about him, but he had a feeling it was.

She refused to answer him. She'd been giving him the silent treatment since he'd took her by force. He just didn't know what to say. What could he say? Sorry wasn't enough. It was too little a word for such a grave offense.


	12. Chapter 12

The sun hadn't even been up an hour before Alleghany was drinking a little of the hair of the dog that bit her.

6 days since her attempted escape. She counted the passing of days as a prisoner might. The only things she was missing was a piece of chalk and a wall.

She knew she should spend some of her time making another plan of escape because how likely was it that he would take her anywhere that she could get a letter mailed to home? The problem was, she felt such an overwhelming loss of control since the incident. She had thought she was control of her life, her destiny, even when she'd been forced into a marriage she didn't want. Now, it seemed like nothing she did mattered and it was hard to work up the motivation.

But maybe the first step to feeling in control again was doing something that would one day help her regain charge of her life. And the most obvious present obstacle to that besides Jackson himself was his dogs.

The usual 4 were standing guard just outside like they did day after day. How hard was it really to make friends with the flea-bitten animals? Wasn't she smarter than they were?

She raided the kitchen for some of the deer jerky Jackson kept. She opened the front door and threw a strip out to each one. Then she slammed the door shut.

She looked through the safety of the glass window panes. All of them were happily gnawing on the meat. That was a start. She'd outsmart their master yet.

sss

Jackson added a stick to keep the fire going under his copper kettle. Alleghany was drinking like a fish. He could hardly keep up with her demand. But he didn't dare say anything about it if it did anything at all to soothe her.

"Making some mountain dew, are we?"

He normally smiled at the sound of his friend's voice. The elderly man was possibly the only man in the Cumberland Mountains more reclusive than him. "Hello, Elmer."

"What's eating you?"

He barely spared him a glance. "Marriage."

"I heard you got married. Honeymoon over already?" He sat down in the grass beside him, a spry man to be in his 70s.

"To be truthful, I'm not sure we ever really had one. If by honeymoon, you mean enjoying each other's company."

"Well, I'm not too surprised. You didn't even know the gal, did you?"

"You saying my way of finding a bride was wrong?"

"Biblically speaking, there's no requirement that you know each other beforehand. Ya'll wouldn't be the first couple to say their hellos at the wedding. I've always thought love was a choice and not the romantic feeling you have beforehand. Though that's nice too, don't get me wrong."

"Hmm." He poked at the fire.

"Anything in particular wrong with your marriage?"

Maybe a friendly ear that didn't have 4 legs was what he needed. "She hates me for one. Stole from me and took off just like my mother did. I had to bring her back. And that's just the beginning."

"I've known you a long time. Your parents even longer. Maybe it's time you hear this. Your mother loved your father and he loved her. One of the happiest couples I ever saw. But he got to drinking and carousing. Put a heavy strain on the marriage. Always was a nice man sober, but he could be one mean drunk."

"You saying you think he hit my mother?" Jackson was angry and defensive of his father's honor.

Elmer kept an even, calm tone that dispelled some of Jackson's anger. "I don't know, son. I'm just telling you what I do know. Though there's no denying she did wrong leaving you, but maybe she thought she was doing what was best for you. Hard for a single woman to support a child."

Elmer let Jackson digest the new information and then continued. "My point in telling you this is both people usually have a part, big or small, in why the marriage fails. Your dad straightened up when she left and became a good father to you, but it didn't bring her back. You're lucky your wife came back."

"She didn't come back because she wanted to," he admitted. "In fact, I did something pretty awful. I was angry and I-well, I forced my attentions on her. I guess I should divorce her. That's what she wants, I know."

"God hates divorce, but He also hates when a man does violence to his wife. We're commanded to love our wife as we love our own flesh. What you did was a sin, but I don't know that another sin's necessarily the way to solve that."

"Fine, preachy words from someone who never attends church," Jackson said wryly.

The old man spread his arms out. "These woods are as much God's sanctuary as any 4 walls. I wish you could see that as plainly as I do."

"I love the woods too, but I don't see much of God in them or anywhere else for that matter." He sighed. "But you don't have to believe in God to know womankind is supposed to be cherished. My daddy taught me to respect women and I didn't even respect my own wife. She's never going to forgive me for that."

"Never is a long time. You plan on doing something that evil again?"

"No, not planning on it, but I wasn't planning on it the first time either. But I get sick to my stomach when I think about it, so I don't think it'll happen again."

"You told her that?" At his look of surprise, he surmised it was no. "You don't know a thing about women, do you?"

"If I knew anything about women, I wouldn't have had to marry one sight unseen."

Elmer smiled. "You got a point there. Just talk to her like you're talking to me. Talking's important to a marriage even if it don't always come natural to men like us. Tell her you're sorry. You ain't even told her that much, have you?"

"It don't seem like enough."

"It ain't, but it's somewhere to start. Then beg for her forgiveness. Maybe it's a good idea to act like you're not married and court her."

"And just how am I supposed to court her?"

"Sleep in another room. Clean yourself up. Give her sweet words and bring her gifts. Find some things ya'll have in common. And for goodness sakes take her out somewhere once in a while so she don't have to look at your ugly mug all day. But above all, let the next kiss ya'll have be hers to give."

"I reckon that's good advice considering it comes from a man who's never been married. Worth a try anyway."

"I can't guarantee it'll work, but it can't hurt." Elmer used his walking stick to pull himself up off the ground. "It's always easier going down than up. I'll let you get back to brewing that vile stuff."

Stopping at the edge of the opening just before the dense thicket covered him up again, Elmer turned and told him, "Jackson, even if she never forgives you, God will. As long as you turn from your evil ways. Remember that, son."


	13. Chapter 13

Alleghany stared in the mirror at her bloodshot eyes, created from a combination of sleeplessness and alcohol. She wanted to sleep the liquor off, but the thought of him trying something while she was asleep plagued her and she preferred to wait until he was asleep first.

Not that he had tried anything since the truck, but that's what worried her. Why hadn't he? Before she'd ran away from the cabin, he hadn't been shy about expressing his needs, at least after the lights had gone out. Was this some new way to torture her? She was positive he would wait until her guard was down and then he'd mercilessly take what she wasn't willing to give to prove his dominance over her.

She saw when the door opened behind her in the mirror and she spun around and gripped the edge of the dresser, feeling trapped and cornered.

He didn't even seem to notice her though. He just snatched up a pillow and one of the blankets and started to leave the room.

She couldn't help forgetting her policy of not talking to him in her deep curiosity. "What in heaven's name are you doing?"

"I'm moving out to the couch."

"Why?" She threw the question out like a dart.

He looked back but still avoided eye contact. "So maybe you can actually get some sleep."

He knew he was the reason for her sleeplessness. Why had he turned meek all of a sudden? He didn't have a kind bone in his body. He was up to something dastardly, and whatever his motive turned out to be, she knew it would be purely selfish.

Once he was out of the room, she drug the small dresser in front of the door, in case he changed his mind in the middle of the night. It wouldn't stop him from coming in if he wanted in, but it would warn her of his presence.

She eagerly crawled into bed and went straight into a heavy sleep, thankful for the respite.

sss

The next day after she had come out of the bedroom, Jackson used a long, exposed blade to pull shaving cream off his jaw. It wasn't the easiest razor to shave with, but it had belonged to his father and his father before him. Not as safe as the razor nowadays but steeped in tradition.

He normally wore a little stubble, so he wouldn't have to cut too close, but he made his cheeks as smooth as a baby's bottom today. He finished by patting on cologne and greasing and styling his hair. He looked decent. Maybe even sharper than he had at the wedding.

He spent an hour in the woods going to all the best places for the prettiest flowers until he had a bouquet that looked as if it could have come from a florist. It had been extra hard work because the flowers were mostly gone for the year.

She was sweeping the porch when he got back. He noted the dogs watched her, wagging their tails in a friendly way as if they were hoping for her to give them something. That was a change, but Alleghany was paying them no mind.

He awkwardly thrust out the bouquet when he got close enough.

"What in the world is this supposed to be?" she asked, nose wrinkled in revulsion, as if he held out rotten fish instead of fragrant blooms.

"An apology."

She looked at him incredulously. Did he really think flowers was going to make up for holding her here against her will. For the brutality he had displayed?

She snatched the bouquet from him and threw it down on the wooden floorboards, grinding the petals under her foot to show just what she thought of that.

His jaw clenched. He was trying to be nice and she wasn't making it easy.

She saw he was angry and taunted him. "What are you going to do about it? Prove your manhood again? Cause the only thing it proved was that you're a monster and a coward."

And suddenly the anger was gone again or at least locked away for the time being. "I'm not going to do anything."

"You must think I'm pretty cheap. Buying me off with flowers ain't going to make me into your loving, little companion. I wouldn't willingly sleep with you if you brought me the hope diamond. Just because I've been with a lot of men doesn't mean I don't have standards."

He realized he had a long way to go on the road to her good graces. She was still too angry to hear anything he had to say, but at least she was talking now. That had to be progress. He went to go past her into the house and she put her broom, looking to defend herself with it. The dogs began to growl and move at the threat they perceived to their owner.

"Sit," he commanded the dogs. He took the broom from her and she quickly backed up against the house as if he was going to strike her instead. "You don't have to be afraid."

"I saw what you did to that man. You about killed him."

"I would never hit a woman though. I know I wasn't exactly gentle with you that day, but I have my limits. And for what it's worth, I am sorry. I could have handled things better."

Encouraged by the softness and earnestness in his voice, she pleaded, "Let me go. I won't take anything this time. You'll never hear from me again. Just please let me go."

His knuckles turned white so hard he gripped the broom. "I can't do that." Not when there was even a remote chance she could one day see him in a different light. He wanted to make this work. Had to make it work. The thought of failing was unacceptable.


	14. Chapter 14

"There's a revival meeting at the church," Jackson announced.

"And?" Alleghany asked in an uninterested tone.

"It'll be a chance to socialize. Pretty much everybody within 30 miles will be there."

"With dried-up, god-loving hypocrites? No thanks." She'd had a pastor in bed before. All men were the same underneath their clothes. The one exception being most men with a liberal viewpoint didn't hide behind a pulpit, declaring they were more righteous than those in the world. "Christians are just like the rest of us except we don't hide behind masks."

"Well, I'm going."

"Have fun." Her body language communicated quite clearly she didn't care where he went or what he did.

He slammed the door on his way out, ignoring the dogs who came to be pet by him. He tried to be nice. He tried to take her out somewhere where there'd be other people and that was the thanks he got. Nothing he did was good enough for her.

Was he so unlovable, so undesirable that she could find nothing at all to like about him? He could make her happy if she would give him half a chance. She could make him happy if she tried, but she didn't. How was he supposed to get past her defenses? Not a single thing he had done so far seemed to work even a little.

He started up the engine and grimaced. He'd let his temper get the best of him. He didn't really want to go anymore than she had, but he wasn't going to let her think she was right. It was a matter of pride.

On his way there, he passed a funeral procession going the other way. He pulled off to the side of the road, not because there wasn't plenty of room to keep going but out of respect.

8 cars that all looked loaded to capacity with people followed the hearse, mourning the departed. It gave him a morbid thought. If he were to die, the only ones who would grieve his absence would be his dogs. Maybe Elmer if he heard about it in time, which he probably wouldn't. Alleghany might attend the burial just to dance on his grave as the happiest widow these hills had ever seen.

It was a cheerless contemplation and it didn't do anything to improve his mood. He felt more angry, more bitter, and more depressed than ever.

Cars and wagons and even cars pulled by horses surrounded the little country church. More crowded than it was on a Sunday morning, not that he'd ever been to confirm that.

He stewed during most of the revival, ignoring the fine singers and most of the sermons, of which there were 3 from 3 different preachers, until the last preacher said something that caught his attention.

"The old devil wants to see you kept in chains: a slave to your anger, your passions, your sins. He wants to keep you from getting the grace that comes through the Lord Jesus Christ."

The devil wasn't going to keep him from getting salvation if he wanted it, he thought, his anger suddenly burning brightly against Satan.

"Friends, there is someone who can set you free. Maybe you don't feel loved today. But there's someone who will always love you, who loves you even now. It's unconditional love that He offers to you. You come just as you are and He won't sit idly by. Like the prodigal son's father, He runs to meet you. So come. Let me pray with you."

And Jackson did want to come all of a sudden. He wanted God's love so bad he could taste it. He longed for it with his whole being more than he'd ever longed for anything in his whole life. Even more than he desired Alleghany and that was saying something.

So he went up front and prayed the sinner's prayer while the congregation sang "Amazing Grace". The pastor, who was the very same pastor who had married him, was happier than he'd been when he'd married him and Alleghany.

Which brought to mind his absent wife. What was Alleghany going to say when he told her he'd decided to become one of those dried-up, god-loving hypocrites. He didn't think it would endear him to her. He had a feeling he'd just nailed the final nail in the coffin of his marriage.


	15. Chapter 15

Allegheny hadn't waited up for him to return. The next time Jackson saw her, she was shoving a lumpy bowl of grits at him. He uselessly stirred in a pat of butter. The breakfast food was already too cold to melt it.

He didn't want to keep what happened to him a secret. Couldn't anyway because he planned to become a regular church-goer. "I went up front."

She had just sat down. Hadn't even picked up her spoon yet. "You what?"

"I answered the call."

She still looked confused but then realization dawned. "Are you trying to tell me you went and got religion?"

He nodded and forced himself to look at her.

She let out a loud and derisive laugh. "You? I guess that gives me one more reason not to like Christians."

He stayed quiet. He'd expected it to go something like that. Didn't make it any easier to bear and didn't keep him from getting just a little angry.

"The grits to your liking? The water pump was froze this morning. I'd like to never got any water out." The look she gave said she blamed him for it. Like he'd gone and froze it just to give her trouble.

"Well, I was saving up for a better plumbing system, but I was robbed. Can you imagine that?" It wasn't a charitable comment and he regretted saying it as soon as it was out of his mouth. All it was going to do was stir things up more.

"You couldn't afford what it would take to fix this dump up."

He softened his tone. "Well, it looks a lot better since I married you. I don't think I've told you this, but I appreciate everything you do around here."

Her eyes widened with surprise. Had he really never given her a compliment before? Then they narrowed again. "I would say go to hell, but I guess you done got a ticket out of that, huh? Or think you do anyway. Why don't you go jump off a bridge and put you and me both out of our misery." She left him alone at the table.

He ground his teeth. If this wasn't a testing of his newfound faith, he didn't know what was. He wanted to yell back. To break something. Instead, he tried something radical. Something he'd never tried before. He prayed for patience and for God to show him how he could save his marriage.

sss

She sat alone on the porch while Jackson was away at church. She had her doubts about that being his real location though she'd seen him ride away in the truck. He was more likely making moonshine somewhere way up in the woods, which was good. They were getting low, she thought, as she took a swig.

He thought he was so smart, saying nice things and trying not to argue with her, but she wasn't fooled by any of it for a minute. He'd been a Christian for what, 3 days now? She doubted he'd be able to keep up the act even for a week. It was all an elaborate scheme to make her think he was different from the finding Jesus to the moving out of the bedroom, but a leopard couldn't change its spots. And even if he could change, she still wouldn't love him.

She drew up her knees and sank her head against them, shivering in the chilly December air. She felt terrible, physically and emotionally. And she was lonely. So lonely. Even making friends with a dreaded churchwoman sounded good right about now. She would almost be willing to go to church for that if she didn't have to sit through a sermon.

One of the dogs nudged its nose under her hand. She raised her head up. It was the first time one of the animals had sought to be pet by her. He looked like a cross between a German shepherd and some kind of sheepdog, a German shepherd's features but a white coat with brown splotches and big blue eyes. It was a little on the small side too about 30 pounds or so. A pretty dog really as far as mutts went.

She awkwardly patted its head. Not the human contact she craved but comforting in its own way. She jerked her hand back when he licked it with his warm, wet tongue, but then she smiled. Smiled because it was kind of nice and smiled because her plan to make friends with the dogs was working. The next time she ran, Jackson wouldn't be able to sic his dogs on her.

And she would have to run soon. Most of the symptoms she was having could be explained away by her drinking: the nausea, the headaches, the fatigue, the frequent trips to the outhouse. But some part of her knew there was a darker reason for them than just her dependency on alcohol.

She was going to have a baby.


	16. Chapter 16

Alleghany had never been pregnant before. Of course, she'd always made sure the man wore protection before.

She took a careful swig of the white lightening. She was down to the last bottle. She would have to talk to Jackson about that. He probably had more squirreled away, hording them like the selfish louse he was.

She'd talk to him about it right now if he was here. He wasn't though. Far from giving it up after one Sunday, he was now attending on other days of the week apparently. He had gone to the Christmas Eve service. And he'd asked her to come with him. As if the sentimentality of the day would break her. She may have been with child, not that he knew that, but she was feeling far from sentimental.

She started to take another drink, but a wave of nausea hit her. She suddenly couldn't stand the smell of the contents. She had to cap the bottle before she threw up. She'd just started drinking, so that meant it was the fault of the baby. It was its father's child, doing its best to make her life more miserable.

She went outside to breathe in fresh air. The dogs surrounded her, which didn't help matters. They smelled like wet dogs thanks to the rain earlier. But they were all gathered around desiring her attention and she rewarded them with petting while she held her breath. The treats she fed them almost daily had done the trick. The only time they didn't seem to like her now was when she was arguing with Jackson and she wondered if they wouldn't still track her and bite her at their master's command.

She'd take jerky with her as a precaution when she escaped. And she would get the truck keys from him this time, so he wouldn't be able to follow her right away until she was long gone. The question was when and how she would do it. Getting him drunk again was out of the question. Maybe she would just bash him over the head with a frying pan. That seemed a satisfying option.

The dog in front of her opened its mouth and that was worse than the wet dog smell. She got sick on the grass in front of her.

And all she could think about was how much she hated Jackson, so much so that she hated the baby inside her too. It made her physically sick whenever she thought that she carried his offspring, his seed inside her. She would be rid of it just as soon as she was rid of Jackson.

sss

The Christmas Eve service had been thought-provoking, but mostly it had beautiful. The lighting of candles and the symbolism behind it touched him. They'd all been wanderers in the dark until someone had held up the light of Christ. He didn't know how he could have gone so long in the dark and he wanted to share that light with Alleghany.

He was the last one out of the service. The preacher shook his hand and wished him a Merry Christmas. "Can we talk? Sometime after Christmas, of course. I know you probably have family to get home to tonight."

"My parents are understanding. Let's go inside where we can talk better." The preacher sat down on the back pew and Jackson joined him. Neither spoke right away. The preacher seemed to sense he needed time to open up.

"I need advice about my wife."

"How is Allegheny?"

"That's a loaded question, Preacher. Fine, I guess. Well, not fine at all. Troubled would be a better word."

"I assume she's not a woman of faith since she won't come to church with you."

"You assume right."

"But you love her. I can see it in your face. You know spouses can be a witness to their mates in a way the rest of the world can't be. Don't think of leaving her just because she won't believe. If she's willing to live with you, that's good."

He ignored the if-she's-willing part. "I do love her. I love her for her beauty, her cleverness, her fire, and I know she has a deep capacity for love from the way she loves her family. She consumes my thoughts."

"Hmm." There was a pause. "You look like you got something else you want to say."

He didn't want to say it, but the pastor probably needed to know the whole ugly truth to better advise him. "She ran away about a month ago. Robbed me and had no intention of ever coming back. I had to chase her down. I loved her so much that when she almost took up with another man, I was blinded with jealousy. I beat the other man severely in front of her and I took what she didn't offer just because I was angry. I knew it was wrong even before I got saved. But now she hates me, not that I think she was ever overly fond of me, and I don't know how to make it up to her. I've tried backing off and courting her and she just spends every moment she can trying to make me angry. Or at least, it seems that way."

"You didn't love her. You were thinking about the wrongs done to you, about your needs. You may have thought you loved her, but you weren't experiencing love. Love is selfless. It's kind. It's patient. It doesn't get angry, it doesn't dishonor, and it doesn't keep a record of wrongs. "

He was right. His main motivation had been that she was his wife. As if that marriage document gave him the right to keep her forever even if that meant keeping her locked up in his cabin. And it hadn't felt good, the feelings he had felt towards her. The urgency, the burning lust, the need to have her with him, the desire to possess all of her. It had bordered more on obsession than love. "So how do I love her then?"

"It's as simple as putting her needs and welfare above yours. Letting go of your grudges. Being kind and patient with her. Genuinely loving her. Not with the kind of love you find in novels where they're fixated only on each other and how the other makes them feel, but the kind of love you find in the Bible, pure and self-sacrificing."

"What if she won't accept that love? What if she won't accept me?"

"You can't control what she does or what she feels. But you can control you. Let her see the light of Christ in you and more than just your marriage could be saved. You could end up helping to save her very soul."

"Well, thanks, Preacher. That does help." He stood up to go, but then he asked, "You think less of me for what I did, don't you?"

"For one thing it was before you were saved, but even if it wasn't, I've heard it all, son, in the 21 years I've been a preacher. There's not much that shocks me. You know the story of Bathsheba and David?"

"Sure." Even though he was unchurched, he knew the gist of the story. "Bathsheba took a bath on the roof where David could see and seduced him."

"That's the story most people will tell you, but it's not the story the Bible tells. David was the one on the roof. She was most likely in her courtyard never guessing anyone could see her. She was taking a bath commanded by Yahweh's law and he was shirking his duty as king. David was the one who found out her identity and he had her brought to the palace to lay with her. What choice did a woman in those days have to say no to the king? Some might even call it a type of rape. Then he had her husband killed to cover it up. He committed murder after taking what wasn't his to take. And we find out that God only calls David out on his sin. The Bible says the thing David had done displeased Him, not David and Bathsheba. She is given the role of a lamb with no say in the story that the prophet tells to David. Bathsheba was innocent from all accounts. Then David repents of his evil and is forgiven."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Only to say this. God forgives any sin you can name except for complete and total rejection of the Holy Spirit if we'll only repent and turn to Him. Bible heroes were just people, sinners like me and you. It was their faith that made them great, not a spotless record. When you repented, like David you were forgiven. Yet, the consequences aren't necessarily taken away. The baby from their union died. But don't think they weren't given blessings too. Like Solomon and being a part of Christ's lineage. Keep the faith whatever happens with you and your wife."

He'd just gotten another sermon, but he didn't mind. It what he had needed to hear. "I intend to."

"Merry Christmas, Jackson. I'll be praying for you both."

"Merry Christmas."

sss

Jackson didn't want to wait until morning for Alleghany to open her gift. He presented it to her as soon as he got home.

"A present? More booze I hope." She took the wrapped box warily.

"I'm not going to be making anymore of that." He sat down across from her.

"What do you mean you're no going to be making anymore of it?"

"It's illegal and it's immoral. And what kind of man would I be, if I sat back and watched you drink yourself to death? I know you do it to help you forget, but I want you to find other ways to forget. In guilt, I let you do it, but it ain't solving nothing. Least of all for you."

She was angered by his words, but she was surprised too. She didn't know what else to do, but tear into her present. It was a tall black hat made even taller by the feathers on it.

"The lady at the store told me it's the latest fashion," Jackson explained. "Says Greta Garbo wears one just like it."

She sat it carelessly on the floor without a thank you.

He went over and pulled the Bible off the shelf.

"Don't read the Christmas story," she begged when she realized what he was going to do with it. The last thing in the world she wanted to hear was a story about a baby.

But he read from Luke anyway. Ignoring what she wanted, but what else was new? She hummed to herself, but it didn't keep her from hearing bits and pieces like "blessed is the fruit of thy womb" and "she gave birth to her firstborn son."

And suddenly she was in tears. Jackson looked hopeful, but she dashed those hopes quickly when she said, "I'm missing my family on Christmas. It's got nothing to do with you or the fairytale you just read."

She all but ran for the privacy of the bedroom. She rested her back against the door and let the tears flow.

She couldn't do it. She'd thought she could, but she couldn't seek out a doctor who was willing to ignore the law and end the baby's life. It hadn't asked to be created. It was innocent. The only innocent one in this whole situation.

That didn't mean she wanted to raise it. And she didn't want Jackson raising it either, but she would find it a home with good parents when the time came. She could do that much for her unborn child.

She hadn't lied to Jackson. She did miss her family more than ever right now. Christmas tended to intensify the absence of family. It intensified her loneliness. There was nobody to love and nobody to love her, but then she supposed that was the definition of loneliness. She would change that when this place and the child were a mere memory and there were new lovers to hold.


	17. Chapter 17

Alleghany found herself heaving her breakfast into the mop bucket. It was a terrible lie to call such a thing morning sickness because she threw up in the afternoon, the evening, and at night too.

Jackson came into the kitchen, having heard the sound. Wordlessly his large, warm hand spanned across her forehead and then some. She bristled and recoiled under his touch. "You don't feel feverish." His hand fell back to his side. "I thought you'd drunk the last of the liquor?"

She glared. He sounded so patronizing, especially when she wouldn't be drinking so much if it weren't for him. "I'm saving it for a rainy day. I'm just plain sick."

He wouldn't have believed her except that she had perfect balance getting up off the floor and nothing else about her suggested that she was anything less than sober.

"You go lay down. I'll clean up," he told her.

"I'm fine. Just a touch of food poisoning probably. I thought one of the jars I opened smelled funny. I think I feel better already. You go ahead and go." She really didn't want to have to spend the day with him.

"No. I'll stay here with you today. It wouldn't be right for me to go off and leave you while you're sick. The traps can wait."

She saw the determined set of his jaw and she retreated from the room. At least if he thought her sick, he'd leave her alone. It might even be kind of nice to kick back and put her feet up. So she laid down on the couch. She felt safer there than laying in bed with him moving all around the house, which may have been irrational, but they'd never been together on the couch.

She watched as he did her chores. He did the dishes, the floors, and washed up the laundry. Though he must've done all these tasks before her arrival, she would've never thought he'd lower himself to do them again when he had her to do them.

She chuckled when he put on an apron to make lunch. Loud enough for him to hear, but he didn't get angry or remove the protective garment. She had thought him too masculine to have the guts to wear it. It surprised her in a way, but then he was doing a lot of things that surprised her lately. Things that set her teeth on edge as she waited for this new mask he wore to drop.

It was a simple lunch of leftover soup and grilled cheese he brought over to her. "I don't know if you feel up to eating yet. It's tea in the glass. Figured it'd be easy on your stomach."

She sat up and took the tray. He went back for his lunch and sat in the living room chair across from the couch like there was some kind of rule they had to eat together. She bit into her sandwich while he did his newfound habit of praying before he ate.

"Huh," she said when he opened his eyes. "You made my grilled cheese just the way I like it. Bacon between 2 slices of cheese and the bread heavily peppered. How'd you know?"

"I notice a lot of things about you."

She humphed. It would have been sweet coming from anyone else. From him, it just sounded wrong.

Jackson watched as she took careful bites, doing her best to ignore his presence. "Can I ask you something? What can I do to help you like me?" He'd asked everybody but her.

She stared at him only a moment before answering. "Nothing. You're just not my type. Pure and simple. You can't change who you are and I can't change who I am. And let's face it, our married life so far hasn't been the stuff romance is built on." He started to speak, but she interrupted. "And I know we both played our parts in that, but I think it's high time we cut our losses, don't you?"

"No. I think there's hope. I think it's going to take work, but that we could still have a good marriage."

"I don't. Too much has happened. And I'm miserable living on this godforsaken mountain."

"I'll move to the city."

She dropped her sandwich in the soup and had to fish it out. Then she looked up at him disbelievingly. "What? You'd do that? Be miserable your own self?"

"I wouldn't love it, but I'd do it. Once it makes sense to do it economically." There was more silence before he spoke again. "My mother ran away when I was a kid and never came back."

"And what does that have to do with me?" she asked angrily.

"Not a thing. I just want you to understand why I may have held on too tightly."

"May have? You forced yourself on me and you're holding me hostage even as we speak."

"Okay. I did. And I am sorry. If I could go back, I'd do things differently."

She studied him carefully before responding. "I think I almost believe you. The problem is life doesn't work that way, does it?"

He spun his spoon around in the soup a few times before he said, "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Go ahead. Doesn't mean I'll answer."

"Why do you value yourself so little that you would have meaningless relations with a stranger?"

"How dare you!"

"I mean that as a compliment. Any man who would love and leave you ain't worth your time."

"And I suppose you are? And anyway maybe it's me doing the leaving. Not them."

She wasn't interested in sharing. He could see that. Finished with his meal and not ready to start the dishes, he picked up a book the pastor had lent him and started reading.

That's why it surprised him when she finally answered a few minutes later. "Because sometimes I'm lonely even when I was a part of a large family. Sex can be a great comfort and make you feel alive."

"I can understand what it is to be lonely."

"Married people can be the loneliest people."

"Been lonely for a long time. Except I'm not lonely anymore. Now that I know God."

She seemed done talking for she looked away and he went back to his book.

"What are you reading?" she asked after a time.

"The Life of Christ," he said, holding it up for her to see the cover. "It brings the gospel to life and makes you feel like you're there with Jesus."

"Figures. Nothing I'd be interested in."

"I can get you some books. There's a small lending library. Not much selection but enough that you're bound to find something of interest. I've read most all of them. I'd be happy to recommend something if you tell me what you like to read."

"I'll think about it." And she did look mildly interested.

Had they finally found something they had in common? The love of books? A flicker of hope burned bright in his chest.

When he came to a good stopping place, he closed the book and stood up. He gathered up the dishes.

"Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? You're trying to get me in your bed again, ain't you? Well, I got news for you. I wouldn't sleep with you of my own free will if you were the last man on earth."

He surprised his own self when he didn't get angry. Instead, he felt only love and a deep sense of compassion for he could see her venom sprung from her unhappiness. "No, that ain't it. I'd like it, of course, if you were willing to open up to me in that way again, but I love you whether you ever return that love or not. Love drives me and it's something I'm still learning to do well, so I hope you'll be patient with me." He turned away and moved toward the kitchen.

"If you loved me, you'd let me go."

He flinched like he'd been struck as he wondered if she wasn't right.


	18. Chapter 18

Alleghany almost smiled as her favorite dog, or at least the one who had kind of grown on her anyway, jumped up and licked Jackson on the face. She expected him to be annoyed by it, but he only laughed and patted the animal on the head. How could a man be so gentle with the animals and so hard with her?

Well, that wasn't true as of late, she had to admit to herself. She saw him actively trying to curb his temper and succeeding most of the time. And when he didn't, he didn't lay a finger on her. He simply left the room. Still, it couldn't last. The dam would burst like it had before and who knew what ugly deed he would commit then?

When she had finished the dishes, she held her hands up. They were red and so dry they were flaking. She had dishpan hands. "I hate my life," she muttered.

She nearly jumped clean out of her skin when she noticed that Jackson had come in and was standing right behind her.

Jackson had been thinking, wrestling with his conscience. He didn't want to let her go, but he couldn't stand to see her unhappy any longer and he knew it wasn't right to hold her against her will.

He reached into his pocket and dangled the truck keys in front of her. "You're free to go."

She snatched them out of his hand and looked at him hard, expecting a trick of some kind.

But he was perfectly serious. "Go pack up if that's still what you want."

She couldn't quite believe it, but she quickly snapped into gear. She had the luxury of taking the time to take everything this time. Still, she seized her belongings in the drawers and threw everything into the suitcase in a jumble in her hurry to get out of there.

He was waiting at the front door and held out a wad of cash to her.

"What's this?" she asked with a raised brow.

"Money. Take it."

She did after setting her things down and then she counted it. It was the exact amount he had taken back from her. The sum total of what was left of his savings. "Why are you giving me this?"

"Because I don't want to think of you out there somewhere, hungry and cold."

She pocketed the money. She should have left on that note, but she couldn't help herself. "I think you've plumb lost your mind is what I think. You're a fool among other things."

She was trying to goad him into an argument, but it didn't work. "I'm sorry I wasn't the husband you wanted or needed."

His simple, heartfelt apology took all the wind out of her sails. "Well, I wasn't the kind of wife you wanted or needed either, so I guess we're even. I'll send you divorce papers when I get settled."

He nodded and she got in the truck before he changed his mind, wasting no time in starting the car and putting her foot to the pedal.

She did look back once in the rearview mirror and the expression he wore was not the expression she had expected to see. He looked at peace, like he knew something she didn't, not angry with her like her last escape or even in despair. It annoyed her for some reason and she pushed down harder on the gas pedal.

This time she stopped in Knoxville and she decided to use some of the money to see the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra. As soon as she got a hotel room taken care of, she was buying a ticket to the evening performance. Perfect timing for it started in only a few minutes.

She leaned back in the comfortable seat and closed her eyes, soaking in the culture as if it could be gleaned from the atmosphere. When the beautiful classical music started, she almost was able to forget everything that was wrong with her life like the notes could carry her troubles away.

She opened her eyes every so often and every time she did, she caught eyes with the cellist. She knew the look he was giving her so well. It was one that said "meet me after the show."

And she did. She waited at the performers' exit. He took her to his car. A nice car. Not as wealthy as the last catch she had made before Jackson interfered, but he was doing okay for himself.

"You know as a musician I can set a cadence that will leave you positively enraptured and spoil you for a lover of any other profession." He reached over and pulled her against him.

It sounded promising and she tested his boast, but the kiss left her cold. Not because he had lied about his skill but because she knew where it would lead. A few moments of pleasure before the loneliness hit again. It wouldn't begin to touch the void she felt deep down in her core.

Curse that man. Curse Jackson. He was the one who had got her thinking this way, making her analyze her behavior. Before, she hadn't given her passions much thought and had just enjoyed the ride while it lasted. "I'm sorry, but I just got into Knoxville and I'm tired. Maybe another time."

He was disappointed, but he took it graciously.

Back in the truck, she decided she could at least numb the unwanted feelings and manufacture her own brand of happiness. She had brought along the bottle of moonshine she had never finished. She would just pinch her nose and force herself to drink it down, smell or no smell. However as she dug under the seat for her suitcase, her hand touched a sheet of paper before it touched the bottle. Notes from Jackson's Bible study.

"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" and then it quoted where it could be found in the Bible. She crumpled the paper. A bold promise considering that any number of terrible, criminal sins could be attached to a person. Not that she thought she was so terrible. She was better than some.

She drove the short distance to the hotel. She paused after she got out. Jackson had given her his truck, his only mode of transportation, his money that he had chased her across Tennessee for, and most of all he had given her the freedom that she had once believed his pride would never allow. He wasn't the same man he was before and it puzzled her and made her crazy because she couldn't understand it even a little bit.

In the room, nursing the bottle, she caught her reflection as she leaned against the headboard. She looked miserable. It was a stark contrast to the inner joy Jackson had seemed to be radiating lately. It wasn't fair. If anybody deserved to be happy, it was her.

"Life is filled with suffering. Maybe I should go through with ending yours." It was the first time she had talked to the baby inside her. "But that's not fair, is it? Maybe you'll do better with yours. Oh, I don't know what I want. I want to go home, but I can't. And I think I'd be unhappy there too."

And why was that? Her father doted on her. Her mother loved her too though she might have been a little less obliging. She got along well with her brothers. Her home life hadn't been an unhappy one. What was missing?

In a sigh of frustration, she set her bottle down and pulled open the drawer beside her, bringing out the Gideon Bible.

sss

Giving thanks in all circumstances was the message this Sunday. Apt timing, Jackson thought to himself. It took him 2 and a half hours to walk to church and 3 hours back because of his slower pace. His feet hurt by the time he got back, but it had been worth it.

Still, sitting alone in the empty house with aching feet, it was hard to give thanks. He tried hard to remember God had a purpose for everything He did or allowed. But though he was unhappy that Alleghany had left and had even shed tears into his pillow the night before over the woman, he had a sense of contentment that couldn't be touched and for that, he did gave thanks.

The sound of a grumbly motor woke him up after he had nodded off and he rushed to the window. It couldn't be, but it was. Alleghany was back.

He went out to meet her. Opened the driver's side door for her. "I'm so happy you came back."

She had stayed up most the night reading and she didn't understand a lot of it, hardly any of it, but she was interested in discovering its power. What about the ancient text was able to transform a man's character? "I'm not saying that I'm staying," she warned right off the bat, "but now that I know I got the liberty to go, I want to see what this God stuff is all about."


	19. Chapter 19

Jackson and Allegheny went to church Wednesday night. He couldn't help stealing glances at her throughout to engage her emotional reaction to the message of the cross. Her face betrayed nothing, however.

When it was over, she told him, "I want to talk to this preacher fellow."

So they waited until the church cleared out, which took awhile because the people enjoyed talking to one another and everyone seemed to want to say hello to her and tell her how glad they were she'd come.

"My wife would like to speak with you," Jackson said to the pastor when at last they were the only ones left.

She was annoyed at him for speaking for her. "Alone," she added, in case he thought he was coming in with them.

"That'd be fine. We'll go into my office and, Jackson, you can wait here in the sanctuary."

If the idea of her being alone with a man bothered him, it didn't show. People put too much trust in their spiritual leaders. She shut the door to the office, but the preacher opened it back up just a crack. Apparently the preacher didn't trust himself. It amused her.

A perfect southern gentleman apparently as he waited for her to sit before he took a seat himself and he waited for her to open the conversation.

"I want to know some things before I make up my mind about God. I ain't had much religious instruction. My family never went to church or talked about Him. I did sleep with a reverend once, but we didn't do much talking. He still played the holier-than-thou card afterward. Didn't even acknowledge me when we passed on the street. That's what I know about Christianity."

"I'm sorry to hear that. That was a bad witness and he should have been removed from the pulpit. I'll answer whatever you need to know."

"Fact of it is, I've slept with so many men over the years, I can't even remember some of their names or faces. Does that shock you, preacher?"

He remained unruffled and kind. "No. Not really. You'd be surprised how many people confess their sexual sins to me. I tell you what would surprise me is someone confessing that they loved money. No one ever seems to think they're guilty of that one."

She had been looking to knock him off guard and instead he'd done it to her. She stared at him a few moments and then she laughed. "I reckon because no one ever seems to have enough, especially nowadays, and there's always someone who has more than we do, isn't there? But I'm guilty of that one. Might even love it more than my previous named sin." She spoke lightly, but there was a sharp look in her eye. She was weighing every word he said and every reaction he gave.

"Well, that's the first step is to know you're a sinner. You can't be washed clean if you can't admit that."

"But see I don't think it's that big a deal. What's wrong with loving money? With loving sex?"

"Because loving money leads to other evils like stealing, lying, and even murder. And it interferes with doing what God would have us to do, which is to give a portion of it to those in need. If we let it, it controls us instead of us controlling it. God should be the one we love and serve above all else."

"And sex between two consenting, unmarried people. Who does that hurt?"

"God, the person you're sleeping with, a resulting child sometimes, and yourself. It's a sign of low self esteem if you want my opinion."

"How do you figure that?"

"You don't value yourself or your body or you would save it for the one who committed the rest of his life to you, instead of giving it away like it's nothing. You risk disease and pregnancy and emotional vulnerability for a person who might not even call you the next day. Sex is not dirty or bad, but it's not all that it could be unless it happens between a loving husband and a wife. It's special and deserves special treatment. And there's a spiritual aspect to it too. Our bodies were given to us by God and He wants us to honor Him with them. Sins are sins because they hurt God, us, and the people around us. Rules, especially rules given by our Lord, are not to suck the fun out of our lives but to keep us safe and content."

"I had fun before I got married. The city I came from was full of people to meet and things to do."

"Really? My guess is you fill your life with a whirlwind of activity because that keeps you from thinking on how unsatisfied you are."

She was startled because it was the very same conclusion she had come to in Knoxville. She was still filled with doubt though. "How do I change?"

"You don't. You let God do that. You let the Holy Spirit in and He begins to work a change in you. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. You won't find any other way that works."

And longing began to replace what had only been curiosity before. "What do I do?"

"Talk to Him. Tell him how sorry you are. Just ask Him to come into you, into your life, and He will because He loves you."

"That doesn't sound so hard." It sounded very easy. Too easy.

"No, it ain't. It's people that try and make it hard. Salvation is so simple that children can understand and receive it."

So she prayed the first prayer of her life silently with the preacher looking on happily. And that was it. And yet, it was everything.

She felt clean, renewed, like He really had washed her sins away. She was surprised by how loved she felt just then. It was more loved than a man could make her feel and it was more than she had loved herself. The term Christians threw around about being born again suddenly had meaning.

But if she was a new person, why then did she still feel no love for the man waiting on her? Why, when Jackson stood and looked at her with a hopeful look when she came out, could she not so much as muster a smile at him?


	20. Chapter 20

Jackson made Allegheny's skin crawl just being near her, which was only as close as the passenger seat in the truck. The drive back to and from church was entirely too long for comfort.

He didn't push by asking about her conversation with the preacher, but he did keep looking over at her as if he would eventually find the answers.

"Thank you." The words were hard to pass force her throat even though she was truly grateful. In fact, they were starting up the mountain before she had the willpower to say them.

"For what?"

She started to give a smart retort but when she turned to look at him, the confusion in his expression was genuine. "If it hadn't been for you, I might not have found Jesus."

"Oh, well, you're welcome." Now he was beaming like his prayers had all been answers.

"That don't mean I love you," she was quick to say. "I still can't make any promises about us."

"But you're willing to try to make it work now?"

"Not because I want to but because I hear Christians kind of frown on divorce, which must mean God does too. And I can appreciate that you might be a new person because I've been made new too."

"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that. I'm willing to do most anything to make this work. You won't ever regret this." He started to reach for her hand, but she recoiled. It was going to take time to build trust. He could live with that so long as there was hope.

The dogs greeted them as if they'd been gone days instead of hours. Alleghany wanted to feel annoyed by it, but she really was warming up to them so long as they didn't put their muddy paws on one of her best dresses. "Don't you think it's time your dogs had names?"

"I've never been good at coming up with names. If you want to name them, be my guest."

She took a few moments to consider it. "How about Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Paul?"

He laughed. "Those are about as good as any I reckon considering our newfound faith."

She awkwardly patted the white one's head, still getting used to showing affection to males of the 4-legged variety. "Names have meaning. With any luck, maybe they'll try to live up to them and become better behaved."

Jackson laughed again. He appreciated his wife's dry wit.

The next couple of weeks were spent devouring books. He and she had gone down to the library and checked out as many books as they could carry. They had found their common ground and they began to connect over their reading. Recommending reading to each other and discussing what they'd read when they both finished a book brought them closer together.

They also did a devotional every night too. It felt awkward at first, praying out loud, but then it started to feel good like God was right there with them. And He must have been, Allegany considered, for their fights were getting fewer.

The preacher had given them worksheets to do. They were supposed to find the answers to the questions and then talk about them with him next time they met. Their current question was about the promised Comforter Jesus promised to send.

Jackson read aloud, "He said. "Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send Him unto you."

Alleghany was excited. She'd read that particular passage in the hotel room, but it hadn't made sense to her then. Now she understood Jesus had been talking about the Holy Spirit. It was like breaking a secret code.

They both reached for a pen to mark the answer on their sheets and their hands accidentally brushed.

She couldn't say it lit a fire in her, but his touch hadn't repulsed her and that was progress.

It made the rest of the devotional was more subdued. But her mind was anything but. She knew she couldn't put it off forever. She knew she had to tell him sometime. And now seemed as good a time as any. "I'm pregnant."

"Is-is it mine?"

He wasn't condemning in his manner but still she bristled. "And if it ain't?" she asked a fiery challenge in her eyes.

He took a deep breath. "Then we'll raise it as mine. I meant what I said, Alleghany. I'm willing to do whatever's necessary to make this marriage work."

"Of course it's yours, you moron. When have I had the time or opportunity for any flings since I married you? Though heaven knows I tried. And if I had, I wouldn't be able to answer that question one way or the other, now would I?"

He sighed with obvious relief and then he smiled. He was not put off with her attitude in light of the good news. "A baby. Can you imagine that?" Then he noticed she wasn't exactly glowing with happiness. "How do you feel about being with child?"

"If I had my druthers, I wouldn't be, but I am and I guess I've come to terms with it."

"You knew about the baby when you left, didn't you?" This time he did sound angry.

"I did. I was planning on giving it up for adoption."

"And who cares whether I wanted it or not. Right?" He ran his hands through his hair and then looked as if he wanted to drive his fist into the wall. Instead, he stormed out of the house and into the woods.

Alleghany wasn't surprised and she didn't blame him for it. She could have handled the conversation with a little more grace.

They may have been Christians now and redeemed, but they were still worlds apart. He might be learning to manage his anger in a healthier manner and she was less wild and less sharp-tongued than she'd been in the past, but some things about them hadn't changed. Sanctification was a process one of the library books had said. They weren't 2 saints in a marriage, they were 2 heaven-bound sinners in a marriage. And the marriage still looked as hopeless as it ever had in her eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

Allegheny didn't wait for his return. She went on to bed, but Jackson was there in the morning with breakfast ready and waiting. He wasn't acting like he was still angry, but she came towards the table very slowly ready to dart at a moment's notice. She didn't know what to say to him, but he saved her the trouble by speaking first.

"I forgive you. It's the least I can do since you've forgiven me and given me another chance."

Had she forgiven him? A little astonished with herself, she realized she had, but trusting him was a whole other issue. "Well, what I did was wrong and partly out of spite, and I'm sorry. The other part is I was worried about the kind of father you'd be."

"I'm going to be a good father. You'll see. Not the kind who disciplines with anger but the kind who disciplines with love. I'm not the man I was before. And I'm going to be a good husband too."

"You know something? I believe you will. If I didn't, I wouldn't still be here."

She forced herself to reach out and pat his shoulder. It wasn't a great show of affection, but it was a start. And the way he smiled, he acted as if she'd given him a great gift.

When she carried in a pot of beans for supper that evening, he rushed to take it from her and carried it to the table himself.

She didn't know whether to feel annoyed or amused.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"Fair to middling, I guess," she replied as she sat down at the table. She wondered if all this concern was over her or the baby. But then she remembered how well he had taken care of her when he thought she was merely sick, so very possibly he was caring for them both.

sss

Knitting was not something she was terribly accomplished at, but unlike cooking, she had come to the marriage knowing how to do it. She'd found yarn squirreled away in a box and used it to knit the baby a pair of socks. They were a neutral off-white so they could be worn by boy or girl, but unable to bear it being totally drab, she'd added a band of red at the top.

She showed them off to Jackson when she'd finished. He didn't comment on them right away. He looked like he didn't quite know how to respond. She realized in retrospect she probably should have asked permission as the balls of yarn had likely belonged to his mother. "I've gone and done it again, haven't I? Taken from you."

He found his voice. "No, what's mine is yours. I was just thinking that Momma would have wanted the yarn to be used for her grandbaby. They're very beautiful."

For the first time, she felt like they were a family: her, Jackson, and the unborn babe. And she had to admit though she still missed her parents and brothers, it was actually kind of nice.

sss

"You know what I wish I had more than anything right now? Horseradish. I don't even like the stuff that good, but right now I want it more than anything," Allegheny commented over more knitting. She was working on a baby blanket now. It was going to have stripes of every color in the yarn supply.

"Then that's what you'll have."

She looked up in surprise. "No, don't run all the way into town today. It can wait until grocery day. It's cold, and there's a chance of snow."

But he did it anyway. He was gone a little over 3 hours on the errand. She started getting anxious the last 30 minutes or so because the fat, feathery flakes began to fall, but he arrived home safely.

As she held the jar of white-looking sauce in her hands, she wondered if he had always been this sweet and she'd just never noticed. He wasn't loud or obvious about the things he did. He just did it without expecting her appreciation.

She hadn't imagined his temper, she knew that. But with that part of his personality better controlled, she was finding things about him she could like. Like the fact that he worked so hard. She had been so resentful of her chores that she hadn't noticed he worked just as hard if not harder himself. And he had brains under his hillbilly persona. That had come as a shock to her.

Even more shocking she realized as she continued to stare at the jar of horseradish, she had fallen in love with him.


	22. Chapter 22

Their marriage seemed to be getting better one day at a time. But the walls hadn't been torn down completely and Allegheny found herself wanting to change that. Though a date was out of the question in the traditional sense with town so far away and the weather so cold and unpredictable this time of year, there was no reason they couldn't have one here at the cabin.

"Let's have supper tonight," she suggested to Jackson.

He laughed. "We have supper together every night."

"No, I mean a nicer one."

"Oh. You mean like a date?"

"It would be nice, don't you think? We skipped over the courtship altogether. It'd be nice to get to know each other like courting couples do."

He smiled. "It would at that."

She smiled back.

That evening, she took special care with her appearance. Not to manipulate him this time but to show that she cared. She'd also fixed his favorite meal, soup beans and cornbread.

She started the dinner conversation. "So what do you do all day when you go out into the woods?" She wanted to show she was interested in what he did with his time and she really was.

"Check the traps mostly," he answered as he crumbled cornbread into the beans. "If it's a critter I need, I skin it to be sold which is a process in itself and takes quite a bit of time. And if I don't need them, I free them. The traps are basically cages and I can pull open the door from behind without being right in front of a most likely angry critter."

"That's benevolent," she said with genuine surprise. "I suppose I thought of these steel jaw traps coming down on some poor unsuspecting animal."

"That'd harm the hide and be unnecessarily cruel, especially if it turned out I didn't need it. Could clamp down on an unsuspecting person too. Not that many roam this mountain."

Didn't she know it. "I'd like to ask your advice about something. I noticed when you did the dishes everything was so clean, even the pots and pans. I scrub and scrub until my arms ache and still they don't always seem to be perfectly clean."

His chest seemed to puff out at being asked. "Sometimes you just need to let them soak first. Saves you time and trouble."

"I never thought of that. I guess it would. Thank you. That's a big help."

He smiled at her, looking very pleased.

She shared some funny stories about her brothers' escapades and he shared some funny stories from his childhood.

"This was nice," Jackson said when it was over, helping her clear the dishes. "I'm glad you suggested it. I feel like I know you a little better now."

"Me too and you know something? I like what I know."

They engaged in a long hug. Actually it was more like she turned too suddenly in the kitchen and bumped into his chest, but it turned into a hug. It was rather endearing and she found she actually desired him in a physical way. A fact that thrilled and frightened her at the same time.

Jackson was lost in his own thoughts. He'd felt all along she was keeping a part of herself back, but he could have never dreamed she would've turned out so warm as she was being. She was sweeping him off his feet. He wasn't sure what had turned the tide. No, he knew what had turned things around, deciding to follow Jesus. _"Thank you,"_ he said sending the words heavenward.

sss

She cracked the bedroom door open and watched as he laid down on the couch. He'd been sleeping there for almost 3 months now and she had no doubt he was going to keep sleeping there until she invited him to change the sleeping arrangement.

She took a deep breath and called out, "Come to bed."

He sat up and looked at her with wide eyes as if unsure he'd heard her correctly.

"I mean it. There's no reason for you to have to sleep on the couch." She left the door wide open though she crawled under the covers as she waited.

He came albeit slowly and hesitantly. Alleghany was the one to cut the light out. She didn't go to sleep immediately and from the rhythm of his breathing neither did he. It felt awkward after all these months, them being in the bedroom together.

They'd lain there only a few minutes when she said, "I think I love you." It was pitch black with no moon out and that made it easier to confess since she couldn't see his reaction. She'd never been good at expressing feelings, believing actions spoke louder than words.

"I know I love you," he returned, a softness in his voice that eased her anxiety.

"Me too. Know I love you, I mean. Not that I love me," she said with a nervous laugh.

He turned the oil lamp back on so they could see each other. Excitement could be read in his expression and his eyes. He pushed a piece of hair back from her face as if he didn't want anything keeping him from seeing the love that was shining there as they looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like the first time.

He wanted to kiss her, but more than that she wanted him to kiss her. She closed her eyes, giving him permission. This time they were both a little hesitant when it came to the kissing. It was better than his first tries at it, but she'd still had better kisses. However, there was a spark that now existed between them that made that not matter. Experience could be gained. Real love between a couple was harder to come by.

Alleghany had a nervous flutter when the kiss was over. She knew how to fool around. But she had never made love because she had never loved a man before. She'd only used and been used. Someone else's pleasure had never been a consideration before and it made what was coming next uncharted territory. And what if she couldn't forget the last time? What if in the middle of their lovemaking she remembered the anger and the hurt?

He wanted to kiss her again and more, but he didn't. He was glad for the light because he could see her reservations that she might not have spoken in the dark. "If you don't want to continue, we don't have to. Just telling me that you love me is more than enough for me. Just laying beside you is a thrill."

"I want to, but..."

He didn't tell her she didn't have to be afraid. He knew she had a good reason to be. "Let's pray about it."

She didn't see how that could help him with this, but it couldn't hurt.

"Lord, help us," he prayed right where they were. "We know You're sovereign over every situation in our lives. Father, we pray that our love for You and each other will abound more and more in both knowledge and depth of insight, so that we will be able to discern what is the best, and will be pure and blameless until the day Christ returns. Amen."

"Amen. That was beautiful," she said almost breathless. The words did somehow strengthen and fortify her. And they touched her, making her love grow.

"I basically just turned a verse into a prayer," he said, seeming embarrassed at the praise.

"That makes it even more beautiful." With a newfound confidence that God could help them overcome any problems they faced, she said, "I want to try."

"If you want me to stop at anytime, just say so."

She nodded to show she understood and he left the light on, a fact she was glad of.

They moved slow, but the slowness began to build a fire in the both of them.

"Stop," she said suddenly. She didn't really want him to stop, but she wanted to know that he would stop if she asked.

He did though she could tell it wasn't easy for him. He put distance between them, looking partially embarrassed and partially confused, but he respected her wishes and apologized. He was surprised when she threw her arms around him.

"I just wanted to know I could trust you. Really trust you."

"You can," he said, his voice kind and low.

"And you can trust me too. I'm not going to run away again. But I hope you don't think I always put out after a first date." She said the last part teasingly, trying to throw some humor in to ease some of the tension that still existed between them.

"So long as you don't think me ungentlemanly for accepting," he said just as teasingly.

It was the most tender and unhurried sex she'd ever had and she found herself liking it very much even when the execution sometimes lacked.

"Oh, Jackson," she cried more than once and he called out Alleghany a time or two himself.

They'd never been vocal before and the sound of their names spoken so intimately like a caress had the power to lift them higher and she came undone when he whispered his love for her in her ear.

sss

One day at a time. She only had to take the future one day at a time. That's what she told herself when the thought of a lifetime of commitment to one man scared her. And it did, despite loving him and despite being made new in Christ.

She thought to last night and smiled. So different from the last time they'd been together. So different from any encounter she ever had before. She would heal. Not because of the sex though it had been nice, not even because of their newfound love, but because God and His love was working in her. She didn't even think of alcohol anymore. Well, at least not most days. Her pain was finding an outlet in Him and that was what was bringing her healing. And their marriage was getting better because they were getting closer to God.

He'd left John, not to guard her but to keep her company. She opened the door and let the white dog into the house. He jumped on her, muddying her skirt. She never would've dreamed she'd laugh about such a thing, but she did.

"Being named after heroes of the Bible is not doing much for ya'll's manners," she said, scratching behind his ears. "Still, you beasts have grown on me, mud and all."

She was happy, she realized, with just a little bit of surprise. She was making friends with the ladies at church and that helped feed her need to be around people. She now enjoyed her husband's company. And she was excited about the coming baby.

"Oh goodness," she said with a smile, putting a hand to her stomach. "I have to write and tell your grandparents and uncles the good news. They'll be so excited."


	23. Chapter 23

"I'm not eager to go through that again anytime soon," Jackson said.

"You ain't just whistling Dixie," she said, a sweaty and tired mess.

Jackson had driven Allegheny to the midwife, who was about 45 minutes away, only to find out she was away on another call. He'd left a note on her door and they'd gone back home. But the midwife hadn't made it in time.

He had been forced to deliver the babe and though he'd been given a rundown on what to do in just such an occasion, hearing about it was never the same as experiencing it. He'd seen animals giving birth a time or two, but though they might not have looked totally comfortable doing it, they hadn't seemed to be in too much pain. Allegheny had taken 5 hours and had been in immense pain without even an aspirin to relieve her of the agony. He had wanted to help her, but all he could do was hold her hand and he had.

He looked at the perfect little bundle in her arms. How could such an innocent being come from 2 such sinful creatures? Then again this baby had been born into sin like every baby was, but Jackson made a covenant with God that this little blue-eyed, dark-haired baby was going to know the path to righteousness. Christ and the people in the Bible would be his friends from childhood. And though there was the fearful thought that he might not choose a righteous path, it wouldn't be because he didn't know better like it had been with him and Alleghany. He would know.

It was the voices they heard first, coming from outside. They looked at each other confused at the sound of lively chatter. It wasn't something they were used to hearing outside their house. Their first thought was that it was the midwife come to check on them, but the sound of boys' voices, lots of boys voices. ruled that out.

Jackson went to see who it was, but Allegheny had guessed the visitors before the bedroom door swung fully open. "Momma, Daddy!"

Every one of her brothers had come. Liburn, Albert, Marlin, Green, and Jules were standing in the middle of the room.

"There's a dog for each boy outside!" Liburn, the youngest at 5, shouted enthusiastically.

"I think Jackson and I'd like to keep our dogs, thank you," she said with a smile. She hugged each of them as they came one by one to her bedside. "What are ya'll doing here?"

"Getting a look at our first grandbaby. What did you expect?" her father asked. "The truth is Jules here got himself a fancy government job. And though things are still tight, they weren't so tight we couldn't come for a visit."

"Good for you, Jules. Well, ya'll've got good timing. Our son just came into the world about 45 minutes ago. We're just waiting on the midwife to check things over," Allegheny said.

Her mother could see the sheets had yet to be changed. "Okay, you men folk. Take the babe just for a moment. There'll be plenty of time for visiting. Just let me handle things in here."

When alone with her daughter. Her mother lifted her cool, nut-brown hand to Allegheny's forehead like she was still a child and asked, "Are you happy? I've felt so bad about you having to marry a stranger and having to move away. I wish I could have been here for your wedding."

"I never thought I would be, but I am. Very much so."

"I can tell. Married life agrees with you."

"It does now. There's just one thing I need from you."

"What's that?"

"Show me how to cook."

Her mother laughed. "I knew you'd regret not knowing one day. I'd be glad to help you learn some things while I'm here."

After her mother had helped her clean up and change the sheets, they invited everyone back in and returned the baby to his mother's arms.

"You thought of a name?" Green wanted to know.

She smiled at Jackson. "We have. Christian."

"Ain't that a character from Pilgrim's Progress?" Green was a big reader too. He was determined to read all the classics and had already read more than most 8th grade boys ever would.

She laughed. "I guess it is. It's our hope that he'll take that journey."

"You're a Christian?" Green asked. "I thought the book was kind of weird."

Allegheny wasn't put-out. "Why don't you read the Bible, Green. It's as classic as they come. I discovered God in its pages."

Her family was all uncomfortable with this talk except for Liburn, who was his hands and knees, studying a bug. But Allegheny had hope they would all eventually come to Christ. After all, if God could call her to Himself, He could call anybody.

It was just Allegheny, Jackson, and little Christian alone again that night. Everyone had gotten a chance to hold the baby and fawn over him. The midwife had come at last and okayed Allegheny and the newborn. Allegheny's family was camped out in the living room, having brought their own pillows and blankets with the intention of staying a full week to Allegheny's delight.

Jackson brushed the plump little cheek of his sleeping son with his knuckles. Their sweet baby boy was going to grow up and leave the house one day. And though he doubted Alleghany would ever choose to leave again, marriages between brothers and sisters in Christ could still fail because people weren't perfect and death could always separate them in this life. No person in his life was guaranteed to always be there.

But he was at peace. You couldn't always hold onto people, he'd learned, but you could hold onto faith and eternal life. Jesus was the something, the someone, he could keep because he belonged to Christ now. He and his wife and child were being kept by God.

The End


End file.
